Just so I won't forget

It appears tonight will be my last night being pregnant.  Quite possibly ever!  We are scheduled to check into the hospital for my induction tonight at 8:00.  After what has been the longest month of my life, we made the decision with my doctor about 10 days ago to shoot for this scheduled induction at 39w2d.  We had our last kidney ultrasound (BEST NEWS EVER- left kidney is good, right kidney is improving a lot) and he was still measuring 92%, which is an estimated 8lbs 15oz.  These things are often off so we'll see, but from looking at that last ultrasound report, we were able to see that he's been consistently in the 90+ percentile for basically the entire pregnancy.  Anyway, his mass in grams qualifies him for macrosomia (fancy word for big ole baby) and since I am a midget, it earned us a ticket to a scheduled labor and delivery.

I have had LOADS of time to process all of this and it's a very different end to our journey than I could ever have imagined (but let's be real and focus on the fact that NOTHING about this pregnancy has been the way I imagined it would go) and I'm comfortable knowing that my c-section risk is higher based on his measurements whether we go for this now or give my body more time.  Thus far, my body is doing typical first time mom things and taking it's sweet time to progress.  I have what I assume are contractions all the time but never with frequency to make them truly timable or productive.  The irony in all of this is that I got very sick last night (what else is new!) and I've been feeling more in the belly area last night and today than ever before so who knows, Owen could make a fool out of all of us and just come on his own later today or early tomorrow before we even have a chance to really get going!

At any rate, when my doctor first mentioned induction tonight/tomorrow as an option and then again on Friday after we scheduled everything for sure, I have never felt such relief in my life.  I am just not one of those people that enjoys pregnancy.  For goodness sake, I've trained for and completed a marathon (injured!).  At this time last year, I was days away from a 150 mile weekend bike ride.  It's not like I'm not accustomed to pushing my body through physical pain is what I'm trying to get at.  So why has pregnancy, something that so many people do and do well so difficult for me?  I don't know if it's my inner competitive nature that hates the way I've been feeling in comparison to others or what.  I'm in so much physical pain on a daily basis right now with Owen's head providing my pelvis and hips with loads of pressure and his feet/knees up in my ribs (OH MY RIBS, they deserve their own paragraph later) and his little butt pushing my stomach outward.  And my feet just ache.  I'm much more sore than the day after running 26.2 miles, y'all.  I'm telling you, running a full marathon is easier than this.  If I could have done that every day of this last month instead of being pregnant, I would have.  As for my ribs, the skin around my bra line is so sensitive to the touch and has frequent spells of pins and needles sensations and/or almost numbness when it gets really bad.  He frequently kicks me causing an audible pop in one of my ribs.  The pain radiates all the way around my ribcage to my back.  The worst is that it's not something I can make better by stretching.  If you were one of the lucky ones who followed my marathon blog, you might remember that I got a huge burn on my skin from icing my IT band injury and since then, I've been horrified about icing anything.  Yet, I'm icing my ribs, it hurts that badly.

All of this to remind myself what these last moments felt like.  My last moments before getting to hold this baby, our son.  I want to remember what this journey was really like before the hormones take over and help me to hopefully forget most of the bad parts.  Before my complete and all-encompassing love for the baby wipes my memories clean (although, I am definitely looking forward to the fading of these memories and being able to look at pregnancy through the rear view mirror of life).  Even though it's weird to have a hand in picking your baby's birthday, I've been thankful to have this deadline to get everything done that I wanted to.  We're about as ready as we'll ever be.  Our duo is about to become a trio and most likely our family is about to become complete.  OH how lovely that sounds to someone who loves to complete projects!  I can't wait to feel this strong little boy on the outside and to see what he looks like.  More so than even that, I can't wait to see his personality as it develops and to see who he is and what he's like.  I look forward to the day that he says his first funny word or phrase that brings Adam and I to tears laughing.  I'm excited to show him the world through Adam's and my eyes and I can't wait to learn all the things he'll teach us by showing us the world through his eyes.  After nine long months, I am so eager to start our adventure together.

There is a billboard at the exit to our hospital that advertises their infertility services.  The tag line says "Change your name to Mommy".  I can't drive by it without tears spotting in my eyes.  Most likely tomorrow it will be my turn to change my name to Mommy.

It's Go Time!

You think you're ready but there is nothing quite like hearing the words come out of your doctor's mouth that as soon as he's ready, they won't be doing anything to stop labor.  No more worrying about having to go on bed rest, no more medications would be given.  When Owen decides to get in gear, it's time.

We're "ready" in that we have the car seat set up in the car (and inspected), our hospital bags are packed and his room is ready for all intents and purposes.  I've waited on buying some of the stuff that I know we'll need until after he comes just because we won't know until he's here how many newborn diapers we'll need and whether or not we'll need bottles or breast pump paraphernalia.

We set up his little stroller in the dining room on Friday and there it will remain until his arrival.  It's that one little detail that consistently trips me up.  I feel a little catch in my heart every time I walk by and see it.  This is happening.  And soon.  So for all the preparedness that we ARE feeling, there is an equal amount of "how will we ever be truly ready for this next adventure in our lives?"