I'm insanely worried about getting gestational diabetes. When I was still getting sick with frequency (TMI alert), I used to have cloudy pee all the time. Which I don't know why, but I feel like I read that it has to do with extra protein in your urine? I have no idea why I thought/think that but I've just read way too much during this pregnancy and for some reason in my mind the protein in the urine thing and pee cloudiness means that I'm going to have GD. I'm probably an idiot but this stupid test has been causing me anxiety for awhile and I just want tomorrow morning to be over.
I've been eating as little carbs today as possible (and I had lots of fruit this morning so not even eating fruits tonight) which might be ok, except that I have not really been eating meat much during pregnancy. So it leaves me basically bacon and vegetables. Which means that tomorrow morning, I can basically eat bacon before the test (I hate eggs and I'm nervous to eat even spinach, the doctor said only protein). I'm losing my MIND with angry hunger (or hanger, if you will). Luckily, it's raining so Tuesday night Run Group is cancelled. I'd have probably skipped it otherwise because I feel like the only fuel I have in my body is my buttcheeks and back fat. I have no idea what to have for dinner (lucky Adam, he'll be home to face my hanger in a few minutes) and I am SO stressed that tonight will be a pregnancy insomnia night of hunger and sadness. (Yes, I realize I am partially doing this to myself and that I'm an idiot but I don't want to have to do the 3 hour glucose tolerance test and I hear that these stupid glucose screenings give lots of false positives so I'm taking EVERY precaution.)
So there you have it, my two pregnancy fears of the moment are gestational diabetes and pre-eclampsia (again, this comes from the cloudy urine, which I haven't had in a couple of weeks anyway, IDIOT!). I made the mistake of **Downton spoiler alert** watching the latest Downton Abbey with my mom today (my first episode ever) so now pre-e and eclampsia are ALL UP in my mind. Pregnancy is FREAKING AWESOME, yo. Being neurotic is also awesome.
And speaking of neurosis, this has nothing to do with anything but I want to record it for posterity, Higgins has lost his damn mind. My mom was living with us for three weeks until Friday and I think Higgins formed some sort of crazy attachment to her. He's been all out of sorts since she moved to her own place. Normally, our snuggle hating dog has no problem getting in his own bed at night (but he always ends up on ours by morning) but last night he wouldn't budge and when Adam picked him up to put him in the bed, he started shaking, which is new for bedtime. Our dog is special needs and never stops freaking us out with his brand of crazy.
P.S. We've also reached that fun part where when Owen kicks a good one, it shakes my belly, which is reaching epic Santa proportions. It's good times!
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Friday, January 11, 2013
Feeling Lucky
In another chapter for my book titled, Pregnancy: It's Not Like You Were Expecting... At All, I got to spend a day and a half in the hospital this week. My Tuesday was pretty much like any other "good day" of this pregnancy. I worked from home in the morning, taught yoga during the lunch hour, worked in the afternoon and then went to Pilates. We had Noah's Ark style never ending rain start in Dallas around lunch time and continued all day and night. After Pilates, I went to dinner with two friends and other than probably eating too much queso I felt fine until I got in my car to drive home. At least twice I seriously considered pulling over and throwing up in a parking lot but the pouring rain convinced me that it would just be better to try to make it all the way home. At that point, nothing was truly out of the ordinary, there have been many times where I've felt fine until about 30 minutes after eating and I've made the drive home while trying not to yack in the car enough to know what I could really handle. I got home and sure enough expelled my dinner. I wasn't feeling the usual relief afterward, I still felt pretty nauseated and gross.
Adam and I registered for the 3M Half Marathon in Austin sometime early last spring but now that the weekend had arrived, we'd been really lazy about making any concrete plans and setting up our hotel room. I was feeling so gross and the weather isn't supposed to be great on Sunday so as I was listening to the pouring rain outside I told him that night that I didn't think we should make the trip. Running (slash walking) the half was one of my biggest pregnancy goals but I also thought I'd feel a lot differently at this point and my disastrous training run from last weekend had really dampened my spirits. We kind of tabled our discussion on it and decided to go to bed early because I was still feeling pretty awful.
I woke up sometime between 11:30 and midnight for the first time and we think I was probably awake every 15 minutes after that all night. Around 1:00 I started to get worried about the possibility of dehydration and what it would do to the baby. I was also suffering from AWFUL heartburn and stomach pain from indigestion so I couldn't really lay down comfortably. If I hadn't been feeling so feverish and cold, I'd have just laid in the fetal position on the bathroom floor but the tile was ice cold. It also throws a wrench in your plans when you're sick and pregnant as there are so many more medication limitations to deal with. We called my OB's office and left a message for the doctor on call, who called us right back and said that I should try to sip on fluids and take something more powerful than Tums. Adam left to try to find me some better heartburn meds and I continued the cycle of being sick. I took some Zantac when Adam got home but I'd rather not remember how awful that was coming back up. Looking back, I am still thankful that I stayed at home rather than going to the ER especially with all of the flu everything that is going around. We called the OB in the morning and they had me come in right away and it only took them about 10 minutes to decide that I needed to be admitted and get on IV fluids ASAP. Luckily, Owen was just hanging loose and giving me lots of kicks so there was very little concern about him during my entire ordeal. I was still throwing up (so awesome, yeah baby!) during the hospital check in process that seemed to take forever. Here's where I started to really feel that I hadn't slept all night for the most part and the tears started flowing about EV-ER-Y-THING. We checked in at L&D so of course I started crying thinking about May and just making it until that time that we go to the hospital for a HAPPY reason! Then I realized just how much money that my stupid hospital visit was going to cost and more tears. Oy.
We finally got put in a room and I was hooked up to an IV bag that I drained in probably 30 minutes. They gave me anti-nausea medication, which was great physically but a total mental letdown since I'd made it 23.5 weeks on my own without any medications other than heartburn stuff. Frustrating! But totally necessary in this case. During all my vitals checks, I still kept having a temp of 97ish (which is kind of normal for me, I always have low temps and BP) but I felt so craptastic, just like having a fever (body aches, hot, chills, etc.). The initial plan was to see how I responded to the IV fluids and hang for a few hours and go from there. At some point, a guy came in to mess with our TV and he mentioned that we had a really bad set and he could have a flat screen sent right up. Adam told him not to worry about it because we'd be leaving soon and the maintenance guy seemed shocked and said that I was in the long-term wing. That's when it hit me that the OB observation wing is the place where people are that are on bed rest for much more severe problems and issues. Total reality check.
Sometime in the afternoon I fell asleep for a bit and when I woke up the nurse brought me some saltines and cranberry juice to see how that all went down. Other than the night before, I have never had more painful heartburn in my life as I did after drinking the cranberry juice. I was SO uncomfortable and still feeling feverish and overall awful. My OB was the doctor on call that night so she came up to check on me in the late afternoon and since I was still feeling so wretched and I hadn't responded to the IV fluids they way they had hoped, she made the call that I'd be spending the night. And oh, the tears really came then. Especially because they told me more of what I already knew, because I'm pregnant, there was nothing they could really do for me other than to keep giving me fluids and anti-nausea meds until my body cleared the bug out. I ordered dinner (SO GROSS) that I did not eat, especially since my request for chocolate ice cream was denied by the food staff (vanilla is not an acceptable substitute). At 7:00, I got new nurses and of course, I was running a fever at that point (WTF, body!) so I got to do a really fun up-the-nose flu test. And my nausea returned, YAY barf bags! But at least I finally got Tylenol to bring the fever down since a temp can be dangerous for Owen. Like I said before, he was just being his active little baby self the entire time, which was really nice and reassuring. Since my mom is here to watch Higgins, Adam was able to stay the night with me on the extra rollaway bed in the room (the Presbyterian hospital here is really nice, despite it being you know, an icky hospital). We both fell asleep hard before the flu test results came in and I was dead to the world until around 5:00 a.m. At one point, I do remember waking up in a pool of sweat so I was really hoping that my fever had broken. At 5:00, it's not a totally uncommon thing for me to be awake so I ate some of my leftover saltines from the day before and had a 7up before falling back asleep. I woke up around 7:00 again for the nurse changeover and found out I was still running a slight fever (damn it) and ordered some breakfast. One of the other doctors from my practice came up to check on me (he must have been the on call yesterday) and he told me that my flu test was negative (thankfully, or else I'd have been looking for a refund on the dang flu shot) and that we'd see how breakfast went before we made any decisions for the day. I managed to eat a totally disgusting biscuit and some raisin bran without feeling sick or actually getting sick and just hung out and napped for most of the morning since Adam went to work. My mom came and sat with me in the late morning and after looking over the nasty lunch menu, she went downstairs to get me a Veggie Delite from Subway. I had just finished my sandwich when the doctor came back. Since I'd now eaten two meals (overachiever) and kept them down and my temperature was lower, I got to GO HOME!
Y'all I took one of the best baths of my life when I got home, it felt so good to put on fresh clothes and wash off the sick and stank. I took another fat nap and have been convalescing (with chocolate Ben and Jerry's- thankyouverymuch!) since then. Today I feel much better but still kind of icky and weak and my chest is still really sore from so much vomiting and coughing on Tuesday night and Wednesday. I go back to see the doctor on Tuesday and hopefully all checks out well.
Overall, being in that wing of the hospital definitely reminded me that although nothing has been easy like I expected, that I am still in the very lucky group of people. Tomorrow is 24 weeks, which in the high risk world, is considered baby's viability day where they will attempt to save his life if God forbid he were to come super early. I kept mulling over that while I was in the hospital that I've made it to an important milestone and each day he stays in there is just better for the both of us at this point. We have excellent caretakers, both on the regular and high risk sides, and luckily they are all in one building of a very nice hospital where I feel very well taken care of (aside from the food but that is a problem that can be easily solved by runs downstairs to Subway). When my nurse came in yesterday morning, she asked me what my goal for the day was. Of course, mine was to go home but I realized that most of the other people that she sees aren't that fortunate and might have goals to just make it to viability day or to keep baby on the inside just one day longer or maybe to be able to get up and walk around the hall.
(Obviously, we won't be going to Austin this weekend. I'm bummed but I know it's the right thing to do. There's always next year when I'll hopefully be a few pounds lighter and in good running shape again. 3M- I'm comin' for ya.)
Adam and I registered for the 3M Half Marathon in Austin sometime early last spring but now that the weekend had arrived, we'd been really lazy about making any concrete plans and setting up our hotel room. I was feeling so gross and the weather isn't supposed to be great on Sunday so as I was listening to the pouring rain outside I told him that night that I didn't think we should make the trip. Running (slash walking) the half was one of my biggest pregnancy goals but I also thought I'd feel a lot differently at this point and my disastrous training run from last weekend had really dampened my spirits. We kind of tabled our discussion on it and decided to go to bed early because I was still feeling pretty awful.
I woke up sometime between 11:30 and midnight for the first time and we think I was probably awake every 15 minutes after that all night. Around 1:00 I started to get worried about the possibility of dehydration and what it would do to the baby. I was also suffering from AWFUL heartburn and stomach pain from indigestion so I couldn't really lay down comfortably. If I hadn't been feeling so feverish and cold, I'd have just laid in the fetal position on the bathroom floor but the tile was ice cold. It also throws a wrench in your plans when you're sick and pregnant as there are so many more medication limitations to deal with. We called my OB's office and left a message for the doctor on call, who called us right back and said that I should try to sip on fluids and take something more powerful than Tums. Adam left to try to find me some better heartburn meds and I continued the cycle of being sick. I took some Zantac when Adam got home but I'd rather not remember how awful that was coming back up. Looking back, I am still thankful that I stayed at home rather than going to the ER especially with all of the flu everything that is going around. We called the OB in the morning and they had me come in right away and it only took them about 10 minutes to decide that I needed to be admitted and get on IV fluids ASAP. Luckily, Owen was just hanging loose and giving me lots of kicks so there was very little concern about him during my entire ordeal. I was still throwing up (so awesome, yeah baby!) during the hospital check in process that seemed to take forever. Here's where I started to really feel that I hadn't slept all night for the most part and the tears started flowing about EV-ER-Y-THING. We checked in at L&D so of course I started crying thinking about May and just making it until that time that we go to the hospital for a HAPPY reason! Then I realized just how much money that my stupid hospital visit was going to cost and more tears. Oy.
We finally got put in a room and I was hooked up to an IV bag that I drained in probably 30 minutes. They gave me anti-nausea medication, which was great physically but a total mental letdown since I'd made it 23.5 weeks on my own without any medications other than heartburn stuff. Frustrating! But totally necessary in this case. During all my vitals checks, I still kept having a temp of 97ish (which is kind of normal for me, I always have low temps and BP) but I felt so craptastic, just like having a fever (body aches, hot, chills, etc.). The initial plan was to see how I responded to the IV fluids and hang for a few hours and go from there. At some point, a guy came in to mess with our TV and he mentioned that we had a really bad set and he could have a flat screen sent right up. Adam told him not to worry about it because we'd be leaving soon and the maintenance guy seemed shocked and said that I was in the long-term wing. That's when it hit me that the OB observation wing is the place where people are that are on bed rest for much more severe problems and issues. Total reality check.
Sometime in the afternoon I fell asleep for a bit and when I woke up the nurse brought me some saltines and cranberry juice to see how that all went down. Other than the night before, I have never had more painful heartburn in my life as I did after drinking the cranberry juice. I was SO uncomfortable and still feeling feverish and overall awful. My OB was the doctor on call that night so she came up to check on me in the late afternoon and since I was still feeling so wretched and I hadn't responded to the IV fluids they way they had hoped, she made the call that I'd be spending the night. And oh, the tears really came then. Especially because they told me more of what I already knew, because I'm pregnant, there was nothing they could really do for me other than to keep giving me fluids and anti-nausea meds until my body cleared the bug out. I ordered dinner (SO GROSS) that I did not eat, especially since my request for chocolate ice cream was denied by the food staff (vanilla is not an acceptable substitute). At 7:00, I got new nurses and of course, I was running a fever at that point (WTF, body!) so I got to do a really fun up-the-nose flu test. And my nausea returned, YAY barf bags! But at least I finally got Tylenol to bring the fever down since a temp can be dangerous for Owen. Like I said before, he was just being his active little baby self the entire time, which was really nice and reassuring. Since my mom is here to watch Higgins, Adam was able to stay the night with me on the extra rollaway bed in the room (the Presbyterian hospital here is really nice, despite it being you know, an icky hospital). We both fell asleep hard before the flu test results came in and I was dead to the world until around 5:00 a.m. At one point, I do remember waking up in a pool of sweat so I was really hoping that my fever had broken. At 5:00, it's not a totally uncommon thing for me to be awake so I ate some of my leftover saltines from the day before and had a 7up before falling back asleep. I woke up around 7:00 again for the nurse changeover and found out I was still running a slight fever (damn it) and ordered some breakfast. One of the other doctors from my practice came up to check on me (he must have been the on call yesterday) and he told me that my flu test was negative (thankfully, or else I'd have been looking for a refund on the dang flu shot) and that we'd see how breakfast went before we made any decisions for the day. I managed to eat a totally disgusting biscuit and some raisin bran without feeling sick or actually getting sick and just hung out and napped for most of the morning since Adam went to work. My mom came and sat with me in the late morning and after looking over the nasty lunch menu, she went downstairs to get me a Veggie Delite from Subway. I had just finished my sandwich when the doctor came back. Since I'd now eaten two meals (overachiever) and kept them down and my temperature was lower, I got to GO HOME!
Y'all I took one of the best baths of my life when I got home, it felt so good to put on fresh clothes and wash off the sick and stank. I took another fat nap and have been convalescing (with chocolate Ben and Jerry's- thankyouverymuch!) since then. Today I feel much better but still kind of icky and weak and my chest is still really sore from so much vomiting and coughing on Tuesday night and Wednesday. I go back to see the doctor on Tuesday and hopefully all checks out well.
Overall, being in that wing of the hospital definitely reminded me that although nothing has been easy like I expected, that I am still in the very lucky group of people. Tomorrow is 24 weeks, which in the high risk world, is considered baby's viability day where they will attempt to save his life if God forbid he were to come super early. I kept mulling over that while I was in the hospital that I've made it to an important milestone and each day he stays in there is just better for the both of us at this point. We have excellent caretakers, both on the regular and high risk sides, and luckily they are all in one building of a very nice hospital where I feel very well taken care of (aside from the food but that is a problem that can be easily solved by runs downstairs to Subway). When my nurse came in yesterday morning, she asked me what my goal for the day was. Of course, mine was to go home but I realized that most of the other people that she sees aren't that fortunate and might have goals to just make it to viability day or to keep baby on the inside just one day longer or maybe to be able to get up and walk around the hall.
(Obviously, we won't be going to Austin this weekend. I'm bummed but I know it's the right thing to do. There's always next year when I'll hopefully be a few pounds lighter and in good running shape again. 3M- I'm comin' for ya.)
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Quickie
We have to fill out a worksheet for Adam's attorney as part of the foreclosure process. There's nothing quite like the feeling you get when you have to go through your entire house and value your possessions. I'm talking about everything from our kitchen supplies and food to the lamps we own. It was hysterical! Being the avid Craigslister that I am, I made realistic estimates as to what we could get for selling everything. But really, food? I'll probably consume everything we currently own in the food department before the bank ever makes a decision on this! But never fear, I'll let you know where to look if we end up doing our fire sale.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
What I'm going to do in 2013...
... oh, you know, in addition to birthing a child and figuring out how these little mini-humans work.
I made one of these little to-do lists in lieu of resolutions in 2011 and I actually did almost everything on it so why not give it a go again. My 2011 list included doing such lofty goals as "researching teacher training" which I ended up actually completing that year so apparently typing my wishes down in a concise Excel spreadsheet actually works for me, who knew?
1. Read 20 "for me" books. Which basically means books not on parenting and/or getting your baby to sleep. Which seems like such a wimpy goal but I didn't read any in 2012. Also in conjunction with this, putting my phone down more, writing more and taking more pictures.
2. Run a 5K in under 27:00. This will be a late fall goal for me but I think it'll give me something inspiring to train for over the summer after Owen comes.
3. Get back to the weight I was when I took my positive pregnancy test. Ironically, this was the lowest weight I've seen since high school. Not ironically, I think it had something to do with basically giving up alcohol. Dammit.
4. Paint Owen's room and get his nursery ready! Started with a paint sample today so moving right along with this project.
5. Run a half marathon in under 2:10. My previous best is 2:05 but I think I want to tackle the under 2 hours mark in 2014. I'm trying to be realistic about life and my body post-baby.
6. Do my own 30 day yoga challenge. I'm not even 100% sure that I went 30 days straight when I was in teacher training! I did more than 1 class a day on several occasions so I know that I can physically do it but I want the mental challenge of getting myself to class every day for 30 days in a row.
7. Go to the Blathering in October. It's high time and I'll be able to really enjoy it this year. And it is a "kill two birds with one stone" situation as I've always wanted to visit Charleston and South Carolina is one of only 4 states I have left to go to.
8. Get spin certified. Hopefully can knock this one out in late summer. This one makes up for the fact that Owen is due during the week of our MS 150 ride this year.
9. Find a play group, for Owen but also for me.
10. Find a church and baptize the little man. This one will be a mom-assisted goal, for sure. But I grew up with strong church bonds and friends and I want that for Owen.
11. Go and see at least 6 movies in the theater. Again, probably an easy goal for you but a REALLY tough one for me!
12. Stay on budget now that we'll be a one income + part-time yoga teacher family. Time to get serious about not getting everything I want.
13. Work on my garden and plant a lime and/or lemon tree.
And there you have it. I didn't plan for it to end up being 13 items but now that I've arranged it this way, it seems just perfect for this year.
I made one of these little to-do lists in lieu of resolutions in 2011 and I actually did almost everything on it so why not give it a go again. My 2011 list included doing such lofty goals as "researching teacher training" which I ended up actually completing that year so apparently typing my wishes down in a concise Excel spreadsheet actually works for me, who knew?
1. Read 20 "for me" books. Which basically means books not on parenting and/or getting your baby to sleep. Which seems like such a wimpy goal but I didn't read any in 2012. Also in conjunction with this, putting my phone down more, writing more and taking more pictures.
2. Run a 5K in under 27:00. This will be a late fall goal for me but I think it'll give me something inspiring to train for over the summer after Owen comes.
3. Get back to the weight I was when I took my positive pregnancy test. Ironically, this was the lowest weight I've seen since high school. Not ironically, I think it had something to do with basically giving up alcohol. Dammit.
4. Paint Owen's room and get his nursery ready! Started with a paint sample today so moving right along with this project.
5. Run a half marathon in under 2:10. My previous best is 2:05 but I think I want to tackle the under 2 hours mark in 2014. I'm trying to be realistic about life and my body post-baby.
6. Do my own 30 day yoga challenge. I'm not even 100% sure that I went 30 days straight when I was in teacher training! I did more than 1 class a day on several occasions so I know that I can physically do it but I want the mental challenge of getting myself to class every day for 30 days in a row.
7. Go to the Blathering in October. It's high time and I'll be able to really enjoy it this year. And it is a "kill two birds with one stone" situation as I've always wanted to visit Charleston and South Carolina is one of only 4 states I have left to go to.
8. Get spin certified. Hopefully can knock this one out in late summer. This one makes up for the fact that Owen is due during the week of our MS 150 ride this year.
9. Find a play group, for Owen but also for me.
10. Find a church and baptize the little man. This one will be a mom-assisted goal, for sure. But I grew up with strong church bonds and friends and I want that for Owen.
11. Go and see at least 6 movies in the theater. Again, probably an easy goal for you but a REALLY tough one for me!
12. Stay on budget now that we'll be a one income + part-time yoga teacher family. Time to get serious about not getting everything I want.
13. Work on my garden and plant a lime and/or lemon tree.
And there you have it. I didn't plan for it to end up being 13 items but now that I've arranged it this way, it seems just perfect for this year.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Ringing in the New Year
My New Years Eve started rather early as it was just one of those nights where I got up for a 2:30 a.m. bathroom break and could never get back to sleep. I spent a big portion of the night watching a rerun of Meet the Press and Early Today on the couch. Pregnancy insomnia is just one of those things and it strikes me at the strangest times, kind of like this continuous being sick, without any rhyme or reason. But there are far worse things than watching TV at 4:00 a.m. and sometimes the couch is more comfortable, weirdly, for my stretching belly. I severely underestimated the strange discomfort that would come from everything stretching to accommodate Owen.
I taught yoga in the morning and because Adam was off, he came to class with me. I had a bigger group than normal because it was one of the only classes offered that day (my regulars are awesome and asked me to come in and teach) and we did several rounds of Sun Salutations to usher in the new year. I love Sun Salutations because they are so basic and a great opportunity to focus on breathing and the relatively easy movements. I went to work and ran some work errands for a few hours and came home to make up for lost sleep and take a serious nap. My phone rang while I was eating lunch and because I didn't recognize the number, I let it ring until they left a voicemail. When I started to listen to the message, it was the high risk doctor's office with our test results. I was shocked that they came back so much quicker than she said they would, despite all the holidays the lab must have taken! She said right away, to my relief, that all the chromosomal tests came back negative so we know that Owen doesn't have Trisomy 13, 18 or 21 (21 is Downs and 13/18 are usually fatal). Luckily, the results came back exactly as the doctor thought they would. Phew! I'm glad I did the testing even though it might have turned out to be a big fat waste of money if our insurance doesn't cover it. It almost makes it worth it just to be able to tell my regular OBGYN on Friday that we did the test and it came up negative so hopefully they won't offer us anything else to worry about. I'm thankful that we have one less big obstacle to worry about so we can concentrate on the relatively minor issue with his kidneys. I wish I knew that it was something that I could do, like eating more spinach or drinking more water that would fix it! Either way, I just feel better prepared to handle what may come of it, whether the problem starts to correct itself or not. I'm thankful that all of the extra monitoring shows him healthy in every other way so we just carry on business as usual.
We started a loaf of French bread in our new bread machine before I laid down to dominate a nap for 2+ hours. The bread machine is going to turn out to be one of the best kitchen gadgets we own. It makes bread from scratch that tastes like a bakery and it makes the house smell like happiness, which can be either a good or bad thing, depending on your hunger level. We took the bread and some other delicious goodies to our friends' house to celebrate the new year in a perfect low key way. We had some lively conversations about just about everything in the way that things just work when you share a lot in common with another couple. I did miss having champagne because sparkling grape juice just isn't the same. Lately, I've been missing beer for the first time since my sickness is slowly fading away. But it's amazing to realize that Owen's due date is only 4 months and 3 days away. It will be here before I know it!
I know that 2013 will bring us so many memories and happy times. My mom moves here to Dallas this week, my dad is getting remarried to an awesome lady in March, Owen is due in May and my brother gets married to a close friend of mine in October, just after Adam and I celebrate our third anniversary. There is very little chance that I won't celebrate my first Mother's Day this year and Adam will definitely be celebrating Father's Day! Being an adult isn't so bad after all. Given that we have 364 more days to work on it, it's a good possibility that the condo situation will be resolved in whatever way that ends up by the end of 2013.
Looking forward, I'm confident that we'll be able to end 2013 even better than the end of 2012.
I taught yoga in the morning and because Adam was off, he came to class with me. I had a bigger group than normal because it was one of the only classes offered that day (my regulars are awesome and asked me to come in and teach) and we did several rounds of Sun Salutations to usher in the new year. I love Sun Salutations because they are so basic and a great opportunity to focus on breathing and the relatively easy movements. I went to work and ran some work errands for a few hours and came home to make up for lost sleep and take a serious nap. My phone rang while I was eating lunch and because I didn't recognize the number, I let it ring until they left a voicemail. When I started to listen to the message, it was the high risk doctor's office with our test results. I was shocked that they came back so much quicker than she said they would, despite all the holidays the lab must have taken! She said right away, to my relief, that all the chromosomal tests came back negative so we know that Owen doesn't have Trisomy 13, 18 or 21 (21 is Downs and 13/18 are usually fatal). Luckily, the results came back exactly as the doctor thought they would. Phew! I'm glad I did the testing even though it might have turned out to be a big fat waste of money if our insurance doesn't cover it. It almost makes it worth it just to be able to tell my regular OBGYN on Friday that we did the test and it came up negative so hopefully they won't offer us anything else to worry about. I'm thankful that we have one less big obstacle to worry about so we can concentrate on the relatively minor issue with his kidneys. I wish I knew that it was something that I could do, like eating more spinach or drinking more water that would fix it! Either way, I just feel better prepared to handle what may come of it, whether the problem starts to correct itself or not. I'm thankful that all of the extra monitoring shows him healthy in every other way so we just carry on business as usual.
We started a loaf of French bread in our new bread machine before I laid down to dominate a nap for 2+ hours. The bread machine is going to turn out to be one of the best kitchen gadgets we own. It makes bread from scratch that tastes like a bakery and it makes the house smell like happiness, which can be either a good or bad thing, depending on your hunger level. We took the bread and some other delicious goodies to our friends' house to celebrate the new year in a perfect low key way. We had some lively conversations about just about everything in the way that things just work when you share a lot in common with another couple. I did miss having champagne because sparkling grape juice just isn't the same. Lately, I've been missing beer for the first time since my sickness is slowly fading away. But it's amazing to realize that Owen's due date is only 4 months and 3 days away. It will be here before I know it!
I know that 2013 will bring us so many memories and happy times. My mom moves here to Dallas this week, my dad is getting remarried to an awesome lady in March, Owen is due in May and my brother gets married to a close friend of mine in October, just after Adam and I celebrate our third anniversary. There is very little chance that I won't celebrate my first Mother's Day this year and Adam will definitely be celebrating Father's Day! Being an adult isn't so bad after all. Given that we have 364 more days to work on it, it's a good possibility that the condo situation will be resolved in whatever way that ends up by the end of 2013.
Looking forward, I'm confident that we'll be able to end 2013 even better than the end of 2012.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Sweet Boy's Kidneys
Well, as you can gather from 2012's post, the little mini man has a name. He'll be...
Owen Thomas Michael
We debated this a bit, he would have either been Owen Michael or Owen Thomas Michael. When we were explaining the dilemma to my dad, he said to go ahead and give the boy three names. My dad is one of seven kids and the only one that didn't get a middle name, which is odd because he was the third in line and my grandmother said she just didn't think of one at the time. Since my brother is the second, he doesn't have one either so Owen will make up for that by having two names.
Owen comes from actually meeting the list of about 9,000 requirements I had for first names. Strong, common but not too common, easy to spell if he's talking to someone on the phone, short and easy to write as a small child, etc.
Thomas is Adam's middle name which comes from his dad's brother who passed away of cancer before Adam was born. I know the name has importance to his dad so I felt like including it was important. Michael is after my dad (and brother) so he has a family name from my side. This was a total non-negotiable for me.
Originally I wasn't going to tell anyone the name until he arrived but after the ultrasound, we knew he was Owen and I knew that it was only a matter of time until I slipped and told someone (my fear would have been a random co-worker) and that would have sent me into complete sadness that I'd accidentally ruined the secret. Plus, I think I kind of hate surprises and secrets so I convinced Adam that we should probably just go ahead and start telling people.
When we had our anatomy scan at 18.5 weeks, the tech was going over everything and when she came to his kidneys, she hit the printer button and I heard a picture print out. She didn't say anything at the time other than the doctor would go over everything with us. My regular appointment with the doctor was right after the ultrasound and looking at my chart while the nurse checked my vitals, I saw the picture of the kidneys. Like an idiot, I googled kidneys and ultrasound while we waited to see the doctor but luckily most of what I found wasn't alarming or overwhelming. Apparently, kidney things are relatively common in boys. Our doctor came in and we chatted for awhile before she brought up what was going on. At that time, I think it was his right kidney that was showing up bigger than the left, which is what they wanted to send us to have another ultrasound for. She didn't seem worried and said we could do the ultrasound around the same time as my next regular appointment with her. We went ahead an scheduled that and I didn't think too much of it until I looked at the card for the doctor that they gave me and it said "High Risk". Oy. Due to the holidays, we ended up scheduling the follow up ultrasound for two weeks later.
My doctor was so calm about the whole thing that we really managed not to worry too much about it during the wait time. I know now that part of this was because I was extremely stressed about other things going on in life but either way, I wasn't really losing sleep about Owen's situation. When we went for the high risk appointment, a tech came in and did another ultrasound. Again, as soon as she hit the kidneys, the printer started going so I was a little disappointed. The doctor came in and did another ultrasound herself and showed us that yes, the kidneys are full of fluid right now, which causes them to show in black on the ultrasound. I felt like it took forever to just get to the point! What exactly does all this mean? I was really bummed because my regular doctor seemed hopeful that it might have been that he had to pee right when my first ultrasound was done and that they may not have found anything at the high risk doctor's office and here we were with the issue still happening. All the information is kind of overwhelming so I can't remember if I'm totally right but I think at the second appointment, the left kidney was showing up bigger than the right this time.
There are some fancy disease words for what is going on but I made a concerted effort to not remember them so I won't even have the temptation to look to Dr. Google, which the HR doctor asked me not to do. Lots of times, this does end up resolving itself before birth. We'll continue to have ultrasounds to monitor it every four weeks with the HR doctor and if we still see the issue at 32 weeks, they will help us find a pediatric urologist that will help with Owen's care. Ultimate worst case scenario is that he'll need a stint put in surgically sometime after he's born. But that is an extremely unlikely option so we'll keep proceeding as we have been just with some extra sonograms and doctors appointments. I'm a little bummed about that because I try to avoid doctor's offices at all cost.
The worst part of the entire appointment was when she brought up Downs syndrome. The kidney issue is considered a soft marker for Downs. It doesn't mean that he has a chromosomal issue by any means, but it could be related. Adam and I had been really solid in our decision to not to any of the testing and we've been offered something at every single appointment we've had. The HR doctor mentioned a relatively new test that they could do for us now that would come back in two weeks and looks at baby's DNA via my blood. I don't know why but in the moment I blurted out that I'd like to go ahead and do the test. The entire reason that we didn't want to do any testing in the first place is that it won't really make any difference to us, what's done is done and Owen is Owen whether or not he has Downs syndrome or not. I've not been as big about my faith in recent years but I do honestly believe that whatever Owen is meant to be is whatever God has planned for us as difficult a road as it may be. In the grand scheme of things, when you look at the approximately 10 bajillion things that have to go right for us to end up with a little baby human in our arms, this is relatively small. Even if the test comes back positive and there is a chance he has Downs, it's still not that huge of a deal when you think of all the babies and fetuses that never make it.
It brings up SO many feelings in me that range from the sad fact that I throw around the word "retard" with relative frequency and what do you do when you have a baby with Downs syndrome? Do you put their picture up on Facebook for people that I barely even know or remember to see and judge? I wouldn't want anyone to feel sorry for Adam and me. How do you deal with these things? Did I really think about what it would mean if the test comes up positive? Even if it does come back that way, it's still relatively low odds that he actually has it. How will we proceed with the rest of the pregnancy not knowing? Will the doctors push me to have amniocentesis done? I promise, I don't worry about this as much as this post probably makes it seem like I do but it is ever present in the back of my mind and I have had dreams about the test results and what getting the call for that will be like.
Either way, this is a small bump in the road of life. It's not going to be the last time in his lifetime that I have a worry about him, especially a medically related one. He's in there kicking up a storm (Adam can even feel them now, which is so awesome) and I feel relief every morning when I wake up and he starts to move himself. We just get to see him a lot more in utero than we thought we would so I'm looking at the bright side of having lots of extra ultrasounds.
Owen Thomas Michael
We debated this a bit, he would have either been Owen Michael or Owen Thomas Michael. When we were explaining the dilemma to my dad, he said to go ahead and give the boy three names. My dad is one of seven kids and the only one that didn't get a middle name, which is odd because he was the third in line and my grandmother said she just didn't think of one at the time. Since my brother is the second, he doesn't have one either so Owen will make up for that by having two names.
Owen comes from actually meeting the list of about 9,000 requirements I had for first names. Strong, common but not too common, easy to spell if he's talking to someone on the phone, short and easy to write as a small child, etc.
Thomas is Adam's middle name which comes from his dad's brother who passed away of cancer before Adam was born. I know the name has importance to his dad so I felt like including it was important. Michael is after my dad (and brother) so he has a family name from my side. This was a total non-negotiable for me.
Originally I wasn't going to tell anyone the name until he arrived but after the ultrasound, we knew he was Owen and I knew that it was only a matter of time until I slipped and told someone (my fear would have been a random co-worker) and that would have sent me into complete sadness that I'd accidentally ruined the secret. Plus, I think I kind of hate surprises and secrets so I convinced Adam that we should probably just go ahead and start telling people.
When we had our anatomy scan at 18.5 weeks, the tech was going over everything and when she came to his kidneys, she hit the printer button and I heard a picture print out. She didn't say anything at the time other than the doctor would go over everything with us. My regular appointment with the doctor was right after the ultrasound and looking at my chart while the nurse checked my vitals, I saw the picture of the kidneys. Like an idiot, I googled kidneys and ultrasound while we waited to see the doctor but luckily most of what I found wasn't alarming or overwhelming. Apparently, kidney things are relatively common in boys. Our doctor came in and we chatted for awhile before she brought up what was going on. At that time, I think it was his right kidney that was showing up bigger than the left, which is what they wanted to send us to have another ultrasound for. She didn't seem worried and said we could do the ultrasound around the same time as my next regular appointment with her. We went ahead an scheduled that and I didn't think too much of it until I looked at the card for the doctor that they gave me and it said "High Risk". Oy. Due to the holidays, we ended up scheduling the follow up ultrasound for two weeks later.
My doctor was so calm about the whole thing that we really managed not to worry too much about it during the wait time. I know now that part of this was because I was extremely stressed about other things going on in life but either way, I wasn't really losing sleep about Owen's situation. When we went for the high risk appointment, a tech came in and did another ultrasound. Again, as soon as she hit the kidneys, the printer started going so I was a little disappointed. The doctor came in and did another ultrasound herself and showed us that yes, the kidneys are full of fluid right now, which causes them to show in black on the ultrasound. I felt like it took forever to just get to the point! What exactly does all this mean? I was really bummed because my regular doctor seemed hopeful that it might have been that he had to pee right when my first ultrasound was done and that they may not have found anything at the high risk doctor's office and here we were with the issue still happening. All the information is kind of overwhelming so I can't remember if I'm totally right but I think at the second appointment, the left kidney was showing up bigger than the right this time.
There are some fancy disease words for what is going on but I made a concerted effort to not remember them so I won't even have the temptation to look to Dr. Google, which the HR doctor asked me not to do. Lots of times, this does end up resolving itself before birth. We'll continue to have ultrasounds to monitor it every four weeks with the HR doctor and if we still see the issue at 32 weeks, they will help us find a pediatric urologist that will help with Owen's care. Ultimate worst case scenario is that he'll need a stint put in surgically sometime after he's born. But that is an extremely unlikely option so we'll keep proceeding as we have been just with some extra sonograms and doctors appointments. I'm a little bummed about that because I try to avoid doctor's offices at all cost.
The worst part of the entire appointment was when she brought up Downs syndrome. The kidney issue is considered a soft marker for Downs. It doesn't mean that he has a chromosomal issue by any means, but it could be related. Adam and I had been really solid in our decision to not to any of the testing and we've been offered something at every single appointment we've had. The HR doctor mentioned a relatively new test that they could do for us now that would come back in two weeks and looks at baby's DNA via my blood. I don't know why but in the moment I blurted out that I'd like to go ahead and do the test. The entire reason that we didn't want to do any testing in the first place is that it won't really make any difference to us, what's done is done and Owen is Owen whether or not he has Downs syndrome or not. I've not been as big about my faith in recent years but I do honestly believe that whatever Owen is meant to be is whatever God has planned for us as difficult a road as it may be. In the grand scheme of things, when you look at the approximately 10 bajillion things that have to go right for us to end up with a little baby human in our arms, this is relatively small. Even if the test comes back positive and there is a chance he has Downs, it's still not that huge of a deal when you think of all the babies and fetuses that never make it.
It brings up SO many feelings in me that range from the sad fact that I throw around the word "retard" with relative frequency and what do you do when you have a baby with Downs syndrome? Do you put their picture up on Facebook for people that I barely even know or remember to see and judge? I wouldn't want anyone to feel sorry for Adam and me. How do you deal with these things? Did I really think about what it would mean if the test comes up positive? Even if it does come back that way, it's still relatively low odds that he actually has it. How will we proceed with the rest of the pregnancy not knowing? Will the doctors push me to have amniocentesis done? I promise, I don't worry about this as much as this post probably makes it seem like I do but it is ever present in the back of my mind and I have had dreams about the test results and what getting the call for that will be like.
Either way, this is a small bump in the road of life. It's not going to be the last time in his lifetime that I have a worry about him, especially a medically related one. He's in there kicking up a storm (Adam can even feel them now, which is so awesome) and I feel relief every morning when I wake up and he starts to move himself. We just get to see him a lot more in utero than we thought we would so I'm looking at the bright side of having lots of extra ultrasounds.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
2012
Inspired by Jennie, who got this from Sundry...
1. What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before?
tried to get pregnant; actually got pregnant; threw up more than I ever imagined I could or would (I'm sure I've regergitated thousands of dollars worth of food); went to NYC and for the first time I didn't have any desire to live there, which I think is a product of being over 30; moved into a house for the first time ever that didn't include one or both of my parents which brought on a whole new level of domesticity for Adam and I; stopped drinking in July, save 4-5 beers in August before I got pregnant, which was significantly easier than I thought it would be
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't think I even made a New Year's to-do list for 2012 but I definitely have one for 2013 and the first thing it includes is to finish a book because I don't think I actually read a single book cover to cover in 2012 and that is horrifying and embarrassing, really.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
my cousin, lots of friends but 2013 is going to be the year of the baby in my life, 2012 was the year of pregnancy announcements
4. Did anyone close to you die?
not in 2012, so I feel very fortunate.
5. What countries did you visit?
not a ton of traveling for Adam and I in 2012, we only visited New Mexico, Chicago (twice), and then a tour of the Northeast from Boston to DC
6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you didn't have in 2012?
Owen in my arms instead of in my belly! We're definitely getting along better lately (less sick! horray!) but I am excited to have a tangible baby and eventually a super cool little kid.
7. What dates from 2012 will be etched upon your memory, and why?
August 24th, I woke up and took a pregnancy test that came up with the digital word "Pregnant" and even though it was 4:30, I got Adam up and it felt like the beginning of the rest of our lives. December 5th and 21st will probably always be big in my mind. We found out on the 5th (also my 31st birthday) that Owen is a little mini-man in there and that he's got something going on with his kidneys. The 21st was our first appointment with the high risk doctor and we found out then that the problem hadn't corrected itself then and set ourselves up for monthly high risk appointments and ultrasounds. I'll definitely write a full post on this later, if anyone reads this old thing :)
8. What was your biggest achievement of this year?
I don't consider getting pregnant to be an achievement but for me, the achievement was in waking up one morning and deciding it was time to at least try and become a mother.
9. What was your biggest failure?
There were definitely some personal epic fails this year. See question 36 for slightly more detail.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I continued my super healthy streak right up until the 5th week of pregnancy. I then spent weeks 5-21 being best friends with the toilet. When I think back to the first trimester, my gosh I never thought I'd get here to this point of feeling nearly human again!
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Frye boots, although technically Adam bought them for me for our anniversary. I've been wanting a great pair of riding boots for ages and I'm happy to have a pair that should last me until the end of time.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Hands down, Adam for putting up with a sick and miserable wife for basically 5 months.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
This question sucks mostly because I have an answer I'd love to give but don't want to get into.
14. Where did most your money go?
Savings, bills, all the things I really want and know I won't be buying after baby gets here, our trip to the Northeast turned out to be rather expensive. I forgot how much it costs to live up there!
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Finding out whether or not Baby Bernardi was a boy or girl. It was such a fun mind game to play. My first intuition was boy all the way but then I let everyone get in my head about the old wive's tale about being sick meaning a girl. I was shocked when the ultrasound tech said boy but I imagine I would have been just as shocked had she said girl.
16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
There's too many to count but probably that Phillip Phillips or whatever his name is song that I like because they used it for the gymnastics team in the Olympics and I heard it approximately 10 billion times.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?
a) probably about the same, my stress level is higher now but I'm overall happy with life
b) ha, ha, hahahahahahaha! Definitely fatter but before baby? Much thinner since I quit drinking for the big portion of the summer during baby trying time.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Made healthier choices even though I was constantly throwing everything up. I used that as an excuse to eat basically crap for months on end, which Smug Pre-pregnancy Me said I'd never do.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Barf. Cry. Be anti-social for the entire fall season feeling crappy.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
Actual Christmas we spent most of driving back from San Antonio, which was and is kind of depressing. But we had a really nice Christmas Eve and a very quiet Christmas night just the two of us and Higgins when we got back to Dallas. Driving back and hitting pretty snow (like the kind that isn't on the streets and sidewalks) when we got back into town that night was such a nice way to end the day. We had Christmas #2 with my in-laws on the day after, so overall, the three day package as a whole was lovely and perfect for us this year. 2013 will be the start of our new family traditions and I spent this year looking forward to that.
21. Did you fall in love in 2012?
I think so, although our relationship is contentious at times, I already feel so much for my baby and I just want him to be here and healthy.
22. What was your favorite TV program?
I've found myself drifting further and further from TV, other than House People (which is what I call all the home shows on HGTV). In 2013, my goal is to capitalize on that and put my damn phone down in favor of books.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Not really, I'm not really down with the use of the word hate in reference to people. I prefer it used in the context of "I hate raw onions." But I also hated most of the moments when people got judgy or gave stupid pregnancy "advice".
24. What was the best book you read?
I can't answer this one and that kind of makes me want to cry. I didn't even read books on vacation.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?I've been using a lot more Pandora this year and really loving having it on when I'm working in the kitchen or hanging in the yard.
26. What did you want and get?
Too many things to count. I feel really spoiled this year.
27. What did you want and not get?
Not too much but one could always use more massages and mani/pedis, if I had to answer this question.
28. What was your favorite film of 2012?
I suck so hard at watching movies! I don't think I went to the theaters one time. So sad.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 31 and it was a great day. Woke up, went and got a mani/pedi. Had our big middle-of-pregnancy ultrasound and found out that Owen is Owen and not Tessa. Got a haircut and because I was early to my appointment, I got a 10 minute scalp massage and treatment that was hands down one of the best things ever. Went to a kick ass dinner at Hibiscus and the waiter made me a funny mocktail.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
probably more money, enough to have just bought out the condo and gotten rid of the 2 year ordeal that is the never ending short sale/foreclosure drama
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2012?
my $21.49 (with shipping!!!) Seven maternity full-panel jeans that I won on eBay. I may never give them up, they are that glorious.
32. What kept you sane?
running, since it's one of the only things I've been able to do without feeling terrible about myself; Adam being the consistent rock that he always is; my friends who have been so supportive and non-judgmental about me being sick; my doctors for being accepting of me, seeing my primary care doctor at 14 weeks was a big turning point for me mentally
33. What political issue stirred you the most?
Seriously? I have a list but most of it can be attributed to so-called "Christians" who use their "religion" to judge other people for their actions.
-Men who talk about abortion. My thoughts are as such: You have no uterus, you have no say. I also don't understand why America constantly needs to argue an issue that is between a woman, her doctor, her beliefs and potentially her sexual partner.
-Anyone who is against gay marriage. What harm does it cause to you? Live and let live.
-Assault weapons. I have yet to hear a good argument about why anyone needs one of these other than maybe our military. Deer don't need to be shot with a semi-automatic rifle.I need to be done now but basically anything that is a social/political issue usually ends up pissing me off because we have way bigger things to worry about as a nation than what everyone else does behind closed doors (except the guns thing, because why do we need war guns at all?). 34. Who did you miss?
Lots of people, I missed social interaction with most of my friends during the months where I was attached to the toilets in my house.
35. Who was the best new person you met?
I have two really great work friends, one that I technically met in 2011 but really got to know in 2012. They were so supportive during everything this year. There have been times when I've been completely stressed out and commiserating with them has been just what I needed.
36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.
I don't know if it's because we've only been married for 2 years now but I feel like every year, I learn a valuable lesson about how to build a successful marriage. I learned a really hard lesson this year about communication with Adam and always putting him first, no matter what is happening.
37. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.Settle down, it’ll all be clear
Don’t pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home
From the above mentioned Phillip Phillips song. Even though it was a little teeny bopper-ish, it's a good one.
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