everything is awful

Haaa.

It's better, by a little, than March.  At least we're used to and completely desensitized to things being cancelled by now.  But it doesn't suck any less when it happens.

Texas started the reopening process at the beginning of May.  We never saw a dramatic drop in cases, despite being mostly closed for 1.5 months.  I think that was problematic for reopening but also, how were we going to stay closed for longer when our case count was still so low. 

Things were incrementally increased throughout the month of May, more businesses allowed to open, more capacity in open businesses, etc.  Some social gatherings were allowed if outdoors.  I don't know what happened in there (some blame it on Memorial Day, some blame it on protests, some blame it on increased testing)  - I personally believe it was just a mix of all the things and that everyone was just complacent after being cooped up for months and not seeing a big rise in the cases.  Either way, I believe Texas's case count has tripled or more in the last 3 weeks.  It's not great.  We actually know people tangentially that have or have had Covid.  Offices were opening but now are closing back up again.  Restaurants are back to 50% capacity from 75%.  Bars are once again shut down. 

Last week felt a lot like March again. I drank too much, had trouble sleeping, it was just hard. I have major doubts about what the fall will look like for Owen for school and for both of us for work.  Thinking about the future gives me a lot of anxiety.

Adam did an antibody test through work that came up non-reactive, which was a total bummer.  We were sort of hoping he'd been asymptomatic and that maybe we'd all already have antibodies. 

It's been a roller coaster.  I vacillate between being overjoyed when we get to do anything abut also feeling the despair of feeling like I'm living a watered down version of my life, where nothing is as good as it once was.  It's a weird spot to be in and a strange way to feel, to be certain. 

Last week I was in this place where I thought I'd lose my shit if I heard one more person say, "I'm waiting to do XXX until there's a vaccine" as if that is guaranteed.  This week I feel more hopeful that maybe there will be a vaccine and we'll get past this.  I keep thinking about the Spanish Flu pandemic and hoping that this just takes it's course over the next few months and rides off into the virus sunset (NEVER TO BE HEARD FROM AGAIN GTFO CORONA).  It's a pretty unhealthy place to be in terms of my mental health. 

I'm up a little more than 10 lbs since this started.  Goal is to work on that in baby steps first.  Lose the Covid weight.  Work on the Move-To-Houston weight.  Work on drinking less.  Work on sleeping more and consuming less news.  Work on the things that I can change.