i had a bad day

Yesterday sucked.

I took the day off work, so in theory, it should have been an awesome day.  I had plans to go to two yoga classes during mid-day, but after the first one, I was in a lot of pain.  It was taught by one of my favorite instructors and she told me to go home and get some balance.  I've been having a lot of pain in my right glutes for a couple of weeks now.  It will fade away and then I'll go to a class and push too hard one time and it comes roaring back.  Sometimes it's so bad that it hurts even to sit.  I keep forgetting how much I'm putting my body through on a daily basis this summer.  Accruing about 120ish hours of practicing straight yoga is a lot to do in 9-10 weeks.  I skipped the second class and came home and promptly put way too much Bengay on my bum.  I thought that it was actually burning my skin the pain was so intense.  Moral of the story:  go easy on the topical pain relievers!

We met with two realtors and mostly I just sat there feeling stupid on so many levels.  Lots of the things we did to stage the place weren't the best ideas.  We have another huge pile of work to do and probably several more boxes to put in storage.  We only have two closets (and let's be real, it's more like one and a quarter real closets because they are so small).  We used to have them totally full to the brim and when we originally hit the market,  we downscaled a ton.  Both realtors thought we needed to put away another half of the stuff that's currently in them.  Which basically means, we'll each get to keep a couple of outfits to work in and a couple of things to play in.  Everything else has to go somewhere and our storage locker in the basement and our extra storage unit we rented are almost full.  Our kitchen has a butcher block that we use as basically our pantry and there's a drawer where we keep all our silverware.  That also must go.  I have no idea where we'll put our silverware!  That's a basic need!! WHAT???!!!  (I am obviously extremely upset about the silverware.  It's just my thing I'm choosing to harp on.)  Mostly I just felt dumb because we made so many mistakes during this process of trying to sell the place.  I still harbor huge worries that the illusive buyer for a place like this doesn't exist anymore because the banks have tightened up financing (rightly so!).  I'm afraid we'll do all of these things and again have no results.  I'm not sure I have the words to express how disheartening this has been for me.

It's just extremely frustrating.  I don't have any words to say how angry I am about all of it and I don't know how to not be angry and to not take it out on Adam.  And all of this is happening right when Adam has an out-of-town trip planned and I have my huge weekend of 20 hours of classes and my final exams the next weekend.  It's the worst timing possible to have to re-overhaul the house.  And it makes me beyond angry because we've already been living on eggshells without a ton of our stuff for four months.  My patience has completely worn thin and to find out we still have a huge to-do list of things to fix, buy and do is maddening.

Mostly, I just need to pray on, meditate with and just work out all of the anger I'm feeling.  Adam is not the place to unload my frustrations and I want to get better about not doing that.  This has just been the most challenging process for us.  I've let it bother me way more than it should but I can't help but feeling in the back of my mind that this condo is going to prevent us from moving to Dallas and following our dreams.