2020 To Do List Review

It's January 18th, can you tell I've been dreading this?  I've spent a lot of time in the last 2 plus weeks processing all the bullshit that was 2020 and this feels like the last step.  Let's close this book, shall we? 

 1. Leave the country at least once.  - Dammit.  Our Paris/Amsterdam trip was a dream trip.  We had direct flights, it was super inexpensive when we booked it.  I mourn that we may never get that lucky again.  I'm so sad we didn't get to go.  

2. Run the Chicago Marathon and beat my time from 2009.  Canceled. STUPID.  But it was helpful because I'm not sure I want to run 26 miles again.  Will have to think on it more. 

3. Take Owen on another mother/son trip. We never did this.  I hate that the window we had to travel was really March-May when it just wasn't possible but that was when it was most flexible for us in terms of virtual work and school.  

4. Keep working on strength and yoga classes (goal is 4X of each per week)  I did really well with this until I didn't.  The renovation really threw me off. 

5. Do at least one major house project to get it over with! Likely O's bathroom.  WELL! ONE THAT WE JUST CRUSHED.  We did Owen's bathroom, the entire kitchen, the powder room, the laundry room and a complete overhaul of the attic.  A full gut job.  Not to mention the millions of other little things we took care of. 

6. Date night once a month in Houston.  Another one we just lost track of in the chaos. 

7. Figure out better sleep habits with the Whoop.  I almost quit wearing it so many times this year.  It was the one thing I stayed committed to, even if I didn't do any of the things I need to for real success. 

8. Get back to 2017 fighting weight and eating habits.  Beyond epic fail.  The only time I've ever been heavier was the day I gave birth. 

9. Start budgeting every month with discipline. HAAA BUDGET? We blew that baby with All Restaurant Fall but no kitchen is a pretty good excuse. 

10.  Astros away game in Atlanta.  No fans were allowed but we did get to go to Atlanta. 

11. Go somewhere completely new.  OOOH I DID THIS! We did an awesome West Texas trip for Thanksgiving.  Big Bend, Terlingua, Marfa, Alpine, Ft. Davis. 

12.  Galleria staycation at Christmas and summer at the Marquis.  We wound up doing a night in Galveston before going back to work/school and a night at Memorial City for my birthday, I call it a win, we just adapted to the circumstances. 

13.  Do something creative, even if it's just one of those drunk painting places. Not really a great option this year. 

14. Take Owen to College Station.  We were scheduled to go in April.  Cancelled. 

15. Meet Pelo peeps at HRI and hopefully meet Jess Sims or Matt Wilpers!  DOOOONNNNNNEEEEE CHECK CHECK AND CHECK! NAILED IT! 

16. Continue to learn to be a better listener, you know, talk less, smile more.  Nope. 

17.  Let's try this again.  3/4 fruits or veggies with every meal.  Nope. 

18. Do something really fun for my birthday since it's A) on a Saturday and B) the big 3-9!  We did the best we could.  Enjoyed a haircut and color, an awesome brunch with Erin, a great dinner at Killen's and a fantastic suite at a hotel.  It was pretty darn alright for a covid birthday. 

19.  Reorganize things I can change at work.  I completed my three huge projects and we got 2 awards and a really big accreditation the district had never gotten before so I'd say this was a big success.  Docusign and covid solved a lot of my other issues for me :) 

20. Figure out my new retirement savings situation.  Crushed this.  We started an account with TD Ameritrade and faithfully put money in it.  My original Roth that I can't use anymore is just killing it right now so I feel pretty alright about the things I'm doing toward retirement. 

Phew, I guess all things considered, that wasn't all that bad! 

21 things for 2021

2020 felt like this thing that was happening to me, my overarching theme for 2021 is to be more intentional about everything I do.  And then to commit to all of the things that I'm being intentional about.  I want to feel good about turning 40 in December and entering the next decade of my life.  Here goes nothing: 

1. Choose restaurants with intention, rather than "I'm tired. I'm hungry. Let's go for burgers and beer."

2. Complete at least one session with Stronger U and my coach.  (along with this comes macro tracking and being more mindful about the things I'm eating and drinking)

3. Lose 30 lbs by my 40th birthday. (12/5/21)

4. Go somewhere new.  This is going to be challenging but I'm going to make it happen. 

5. Go to a new National Park. 

6. Get my vaccination card!  Technically this all occurred in 2020 but I want that card of sweet, sweet beauty as proof. 

7. Remodel our master bathroom. 

8. Go on a trip for my birthday.  I want to go to Germany but I'm trying not to get my hopes up. 

9. Master our sourdough starter! 

10. Run a half marathon before my birthday. 

11. Figure out how to compost. 

12. Grow a garden. 

13. Keep my houseplants alive. 

14. Figure out my next step in my career.  Goal is to not be in my same position by next January, however that happens. 

15. Do another cooking class, even if that has to be virtual. 

16. Take an iPhone photography class. 

17. Hike a mountain. 

18. Get my CEOP and RSTBS certifications. 

Goals that are a hold over from 2020 - Let's try this again! 

19. Take Owen on another mother + son trip. 

20. Date night once a month

21. Monthly budget.  I need to follow through with this and work to pay the car off. 

Ok. Let's do this. 

 2020 Year in Review

1. What did you do in 2020 that you'd never done before?
Where do I even start?

Lived through a global pandemic. 

Survived a major home renovation. 

Got an experimental vaccine as part of a pharmaceutical trial. 

Made it through a lot of really dark days where I wasn't even entirely sure I wanted to be alive anymore (that was the worst). 

Switched Owen's school at the literal last second.  That was a painful one. 

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? 

LOL. This question can suck it. Survival was all that was manageable. 

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My stepsister had a baby in August, which totally sucked because we totally didn't get to celebrate the way we should have for someone's first baby. 

4. Did anyone close to you die? I'm trying to think back and I think this was maaaaaybe the only negative thing that didn't happen to us but with Covid, it felt like everyone was dying all the time.  Thankfully, in 2020, we only tangentially knew a couple of people who passed away. 

5. What countries did you visit? We were supposed to go to Cozumel 3 days after the world shut down. We also had a Paris/Amsterdam trip booked for November that didn't happen.  2020 CAN SUCK IT. 

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you didn't have in 2020? NORMAL LIFE BACK. Travel. Big Events. Not having to wear a freaking mask everywhere. My family to be vaccinated. LESS DAMN STRESS. One thing I am getting is not having an egotistical maniac as President anymore!!!!!!! 

7. What dates from 2020 will be etched upon your memory, and why? March 11th.  I've written about it at length here but that is what I will always think of when I think of 2020. 

8. What was your biggest achievement of this year? Not being admitted to a mental hospital. Seriously. 

9. What was your biggest failure? Succumbing to stress all the time.  Drinking too much.  Spending too much money on restaurants.  Not finding a way to feel fulfilled without the things that normally fill my cup. 

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I got sick (thanks O Bear!) with some sort of stomach bug big time in January.  I had immune response to both of my shots in Sept/October and I got food poisoning in October.  Other than that, I feel like they were all super minor and the fact that none of my household peeps got coronavirus is pretty excellent. 

11. What was the best thing you bought? my new house :) 

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Owen.  He handled the pandemic and the mask wearing better than anyone.  The summer with him was hard but since he went back to school, he's been amazing.  

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? DONALD. J. TRUMP. He is such a child.  I hate him so much.  BYE FELICIA. 

14. Where did most your money go? House. Renovation. Buying Adam a new car. 

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Being done with the house!!! 

16. What song will always remind you of 2020? I can't remember the name of it but it's some song that comes on XM chill and it reminds me of the random days when you'd get in the car during the hard core shutdown and it was apocalyptic with no one else around and every business closed.     

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

a) way sadder, I don't have words to even describe this.  I have hope for the future but man, I really did not see the bullshit that was 2020 coming.  I'm getting better at getting out of the black hole but I don't have that same innocence that I did at this time last year.  This is going to be the defining moment for our generation, our world war, our depression.  

b) ugh, way fatter. I gained so much weight. 

c) probably richer.  Our house is worth infinitely more now and we started screwing around with the stock market and have done really well.  

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? ordered salads, traveled, saw my family more

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? crying, having sleepless nights, being generally depressed

20. How did you spend Christmas? My in-laws and mom where here in Houston.  We had a great Christmas Eve dinner, opened presents on Christmas morning and then caught a plane to Las Vegas.  Enjoyed Christmas night at Mon Ami Gabi and got to enjoy a beer while watching live music at the Cabaret at Paris... it's the little things, live music was super hard to come by in 2020.  

21. Did you fall in love in 2020? not really

22. What was your favorite TV program? The Crown

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Oh yes, it's not really a story to tell online but oooh boy, yes. 

24. What was the best book you read? I think I read some books? I have no idea. I'm finding this question exhausting. 

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? blah

26. What did you want and get? a Louis (except I can find a way to even be salty about this, ha, I was supposed to get it in Paris)

27. What did you want and not get? travel, for my kid to go back to school last spring

28. What was your favorite film of 2020? HAMILTON!!!! (except we watched it the day we were supposed to be seeing it at the Hobby Center, see ALL MY HOPES AND DREAMS WERE CRUSHED BY A VIRUS)

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 39.  Our house was almost done and they were there doing a TON of work to finish it so we stayed at the Westin Memorial City in an amazing suite.  We had dinner at Killen's STQ and I went to bed early.  I did get a haircut (woo!) and enjoyed a really fun brunch with a friend. 

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Having never heard the word coronavirus. 

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2020? Daytime pajamas and nighttime pajamas.  Blurred lines. 

32. What kept you sane? HAAA. NOTHING. I was not sane. 

33. What political issue stirred you the most? This question really sucks for people who've just lived through the actual most ridiculous election cycle.  At least Trump lost, that was my only concern. 

But if you want to assume that BLM and women's rights are political issues, I'd say that stuff stirred me quite a bit, however, I don't believe that either of those are political.  Same with public health.  That is all human rights and human decency stuff. 

34. Who did you miss? Most of my friends and family.  I've come to realize that I completely suck at being a virtual friend. 

35. Who was the best new person you met? What is a stranger?  What is it like to meet new people? 

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020. 
Pandemics suck.  I guess I learned how to wear a mask? 

everything is awful

Haaa.

It's better, by a little, than March.  At least we're used to and completely desensitized to things being cancelled by now.  But it doesn't suck any less when it happens.

Texas started the reopening process at the beginning of May.  We never saw a dramatic drop in cases, despite being mostly closed for 1.5 months.  I think that was problematic for reopening but also, how were we going to stay closed for longer when our case count was still so low. 

Things were incrementally increased throughout the month of May, more businesses allowed to open, more capacity in open businesses, etc.  Some social gatherings were allowed if outdoors.  I don't know what happened in there (some blame it on Memorial Day, some blame it on protests, some blame it on increased testing)  - I personally believe it was just a mix of all the things and that everyone was just complacent after being cooped up for months and not seeing a big rise in the cases.  Either way, I believe Texas's case count has tripled or more in the last 3 weeks.  It's not great.  We actually know people tangentially that have or have had Covid.  Offices were opening but now are closing back up again.  Restaurants are back to 50% capacity from 75%.  Bars are once again shut down. 

Last week felt a lot like March again. I drank too much, had trouble sleeping, it was just hard. I have major doubts about what the fall will look like for Owen for school and for both of us for work.  Thinking about the future gives me a lot of anxiety.

Adam did an antibody test through work that came up non-reactive, which was a total bummer.  We were sort of hoping he'd been asymptomatic and that maybe we'd all already have antibodies. 

It's been a roller coaster.  I vacillate between being overjoyed when we get to do anything abut also feeling the despair of feeling like I'm living a watered down version of my life, where nothing is as good as it once was.  It's a weird spot to be in and a strange way to feel, to be certain. 

Last week I was in this place where I thought I'd lose my shit if I heard one more person say, "I'm waiting to do XXX until there's a vaccine" as if that is guaranteed.  This week I feel more hopeful that maybe there will be a vaccine and we'll get past this.  I keep thinking about the Spanish Flu pandemic and hoping that this just takes it's course over the next few months and rides off into the virus sunset (NEVER TO BE HEARD FROM AGAIN GTFO CORONA).  It's a pretty unhealthy place to be in terms of my mental health. 

I'm up a little more than 10 lbs since this started.  Goal is to work on that in baby steps first.  Lose the Covid weight.  Work on the Move-To-Houston weight.  Work on drinking less.  Work on sleeping more and consuming less news.  Work on the things that I can change. 

Halfway through 2020

Let me start of by saying - this year sucks.  We'll be halfway through on Wednesday.  It sucks to look back and think "cool. six months of the year are gone. two of them were fine. four of them sucked."  What's even worse than that is knowing that the next six of this year are likely to continue to be pretty crappy. 

Without further adu, let's see where we are on this goals list.  BLAH.

1. Leave the country at least once.  - THIS IS NOT LOOKING PROMISING. Dammit. 

2. Run the Chicago Marathon and beat my time from 2009.  Just waiting on them to cancel. I've already planning on not running because I don't want to do a watered down version of it. 

3. Take Owen on another mother/son trip. This is still in the realm of possibility... we'll see. 

4. Keep working on strength and yoga classes (goal is 4X of each per week)  Strength A+++ I've done probably 200+ classes this year already.  Yoga... abysmal fail. 

5. Do at least one major house project to get it over with! Likely O's bathroom.  We refinanced the house and for the same payment we were able to pull out about half of what we need.  That plus some aggressive savings means that we're getting ready to gut the kitchen, laundry room, powder room, O's bathroom and do some of the not so glamorous stuff like re-piping the entire house and reinforcing our attic.  

6. Date night once a month in Houston.  I think we've actually been managing this???? YES. 

7. Figure out better sleep habits with the Whoop.  Sleep? HA.  To be fair, I was doing really well with it before COVID so I'll give myself some grace on that one. 

8. Get back to 2017 fighting weight and eating habits.  EPIC EPIC EPIC FAIL. I've come real close to gaining the Covid 19. 

9. Start budgeting every month with discipline.  I didn't do well with this but I am ready for you July.  We now have a car payment that I will attack with vigor. 

10.  Astros away game in Atlanta.  WAHHHHH. 

11. Go somewhere completely new.  Fingers crossed we can go to Panama City Beach in September (rescheduled from May) so I can get this one. 

12.  Galleria staycation at Christmas and summer at the Marquis.  Summer is not looking great at the moment... we. will. see. 

13.  Do something creative, even if it's just one of those drunk painting places. Yeah. They're all closed. Add to the list of I will do it if I can. 

14. Take Owen to College Station.  We were scheduled to go in April.  Sad day. I might take him in the fall if the kids are back on campus. 

15. Meet Pelo peeps at HRI and hopefully meet Jess Sims or Matt Wilpers!  DOOOONNNNNNEEEEE CHECK CHECK AND CHECK! NAILED IT! 

16. Continue to learn to be a better listener, you know, talk less, smile more.  Nope. 

17.  Let's try this again.  3/4 fruits or veggies with every meal.  So far so terrible. 

18. Do something really fun for my birthday since it's A) on a Saturday and B) the big 3-9!  All I want for my birthday, Christmas, all the everything is an effective vaccine! 

19.  Reorganize things I can change at work.  I think this is going well ish.  

20. Figure out my new retirement savings situation.  Work in progress.  On the positive side, Peloton stock tripled since we bought it. WOOT. 

Camp Corona Diaries - Edition 5

Since we had a week of Spring Break for both Owen and me, it was really boring.  I consumed way too much news and social media.  I had no real work to do.  I think on Monday or Tuesday, they announced the school closures would go until Easter (anticipated return of 4/13) which is where we still stand.

They opened a bunch of drive-through testing centers in our area.  Cases went up by a lot but not exponentially so I'm still of the hope that we caught it early here in Houston.

I think it was Wednesday that we decided to make a run to Total Wine and Adam's office to get a few things he'd be needing for working at home.  I was in the car in the parking garage waiting for him and Owen to come downstairs when I called my dad.  He was on his way home from the hospital where Eileen had just been admitted.  She always has a low level cough but she got sick at dialysis and had a fever so they took her to the hospital as a part of their normal precautions.  Except nothing is normal right now.  Dad left her at the hospital where she was waiting to be tested for COVID among other things.  He was crying, she was super sick.  Once he went back to the hospital, he'd be there for the duration.  He described people sitting in chairs outside the hospital, not able to be with their loved ones.  After I got off the phone with him, I lost my shit.  The gravity of everything was hitting me.  If someone in your family dies right now, you can't even have a funeral or be there to comfort each other.  I was upset about all the celebrations and the fun we'd be missing but I never even thought about the human need to be there for each other during the really shitty times, too.

That night was TOUGH.  I slept so shitty that whole week.  I remember panicking at one point thinking of this invisible virus holding all of us hostage that we can't see or even feel until it's too late.  I was horrified and remember crying, "This thing is EVERYWHERE."

Thankfully the next day, we found out that Eileen was negative for COVID but she did have pneumonia.  We knew she wanted and the hospital wanted her released as soon as possible so we waited. When I talked to Dad later that day (now Thursday) he said she was doing MUCH better and that we could call her.  Owen and I got to FaceTime with her later, which thank goodness for FaceTime during this time or I think we'd have lost our minds.

Some random non-chronological asides:
1. I got a gallon of milk on 3/12 in my panic curbside order, when schools were closed. I looked at the expiration date (3/30) and thought as I put it in the fridge, "this will all be over then".  When I threw out the last tiny bit of it today, that made me REAL sad. We are only at the beginning, I'm afraid.
2. Trump said yesterday that we're looking at April 30th.  My baby's birthday.  That was depressing.
3. At this moment, I'm watching a Harris County press conference and they said it's not a matter of extending the stay at home orders, it's more how long to extend for.  I'm waiting for school to extend until at least the end of April at some point this week.
4. I'm sick thinking how many restaurants we love will have to close because of this.

It feels a bit like we are still in the very beginning of a nightmare.

Camp Corona Diaries - Edition 4

Day 14.

We started this two weeks ago.  Holy shit.

I'm discovering that it's easier for me to journal about this on crappier days.  Therefore, I'm sure you've deduced that today is crappy.  Haha. In the present moment, I woke up not wanting to wake up.  I can't decide if that has more to do with margarita consumption or more to do with general malaise over the economy.  I think people are all getting stir crazy and it shows.  Taking a break from social media for the rest of the afternoon will be beneficial for me.  Owen has his first Zoom meeting with his class today.  Going to attempt to not lose my shit and cry.  Last night Ms. D called the school with one of her recorded messages and at the very end, her voice broke and that was it.  I had several days in a row where I didn't cry - streak busted.

Picking up where we last left of, we started this two weeks ago on Friday, March 13th.  It was very unclear as to whether I was expected to be at work.  I opted not to go (this turned out after the fact to be totally fine as we were paid for that day anyway) mainly because my husband was traveling all week and I was concerned about potential exposure and Owen was going to be at home so I felt like I should stay with him.  I think at that point, this still felt like it was going to be a little bit of time off?  I don't know, I don't remember. I remember being shell shocked but mostly life was going on around us. 

I got up early and went to Food Town, our local market that is super close to the neighborhood.  I also had a Curbside order scheduled at HEB for the late afternoon that I tried to cancel but I couldn't get through.  I was concerned that none of it would get filled anyway so we left it as is.  Food Town was crazy.  The lines to check out made me think of what life would be like in a socialist country.  It was horrifying on a million different levels.  I got a cart full of groceries - not gonna lie - a LOT of snacks and junk food.  I was exhausted from not sleeping and I feel like I possibly had a little hangover that day?  I was freaking out about my brother and Sara getting out of Paris.  They were scheduled on the super late flight.  I wondered what would (or wouldn't) await them at US Customs.  I started freaking out about my flight attendant friends. 

GAH.  Sidebar.  I just got an email from the credit union we keep Owen's money in locally that you can borrow up to $4K right now with no collateral and no payments for 60 days.  That is so depressing.

Anyway, we ate dinner at home, I think we had my mom over once or twice for dinner that weekend?  I drank A LOT.  I watched too much depressing news.  I was so bummed about not getting to go to Cozumel.  That whole weekend sucked.  I kept thinking about the Sliding Doors version of life where we were doing laundry and packing for our trip.  The one bright side was that we finally bought stock in Peloton, which I'd been wanting to do since they went public. 

Mikey and Sara made it home super late Friday night.  Texting with them (they got internet on the flight back to the US) as they worked their way over the Atlantic was so sad.  They were trying to piece together what on earth was going on in the United States.  They were facing a 14 day quarantine away from their kid.  Dad and Eileen decided to keep him over that time.  In my head it was still just a two week thing we were looking at. 

Fast forward to Monday 3/16, the first day of "Spring Break" for Owen and I.  Since we weren't going out of town, Adam canceled his PTO and went into the office to work.  I was adrift.  There was nothing to do work wise, nothing to do for Owen school wise (lots of my friends already had school work to do with their kids).  I just watched the news like an idiot and sat around feeling totally bummed.  Owen watched ALL the Nick Junior that week and eventually moved into the guest room with the TV.  On Monday afternoon, Trump had a press conference and I went into our bedroom to watch it.  I was sitting on the floor in front of my bed texting with Tara as we watched the horror.  The CDC changed the social distancing guidelines to be "no gatherings of more than 10 people for the next 8 weeks".  That shit hit me hard.  EIGHT WEEKS.  EIGHT WEEKS.  Coming from freaking Trump.  Holy shit.  At some point soon after that, school pushed back to starting 4/13, the week after Easter, but privately they've been telling us all along not to expect to come back at all to finish the year.  Right after that, Harris County and the City of Houston ordered bars and restaurants to close their dining rooms and move to take out only.  What in the fresh hell was going on? 

No sports. No theater. No spaces where people gather. No travel.  No restaurants. A really large portion of the things I love, stripped from life in what felt like an instant. It was a LOT LOT LOT to take in.  I kept thinking, this has never happened in not only my lifetime, but even in my parents' lifetimes, which is kind of bananas. 

I remember Monday night being really surly on Facebook.  We were already pretty damn close to lockdown status in Houston, but it seemed like a lot of the country still didn't get it.

We switched gears from "Eat All Dinners At Home From Our Grocery Stockpile" to "Order Takeout Every Night For Dinner".  Which is no big deal but again it was another crazy shift from Life Before Corona to what we're living now.  I realized this was NOT going to be a two week "vacation" from responsibilities.  This was the long haul.  I hoped and still hope we have restaurants to go back to when this is all over. 

At that point, Adam and I were anticipating that Trump had laid the groundwork for what we assumed would be a nationwide shut down by the end of the week...