Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Been even longer...

It's been awhile since Jen wrote, until last week, but it's been even longer since I have added something. How about a little re-cap:

Things have been going quite well since the last post. I have been doing more yoga with Jen and actually really enjoy it now. I bought my own mat so I'm official I guess. I have actually lost a bunch of weight in the process. I have not weighted this much since I was a freshman in college. Summer is now starting and it's Jen and I's favorite time of year. We enjoy biking and running and being outside most of the time. This summer will be a bit harder given that Jen will be in yoga school for much of it during the weekend, but I'm excited for her to start. I know this is going to be great for her and I know she is going to be a fantastic teacher when it's all said and done.

I am still rocking my therapy and it has been going pretty well. Good days and bad ones, but definitely more good than bad. I am truly thankful that I married such an amazing women because she helps me out so much on the bad ones. I have gotten over many of my fears and anxiety, but developed a few new ones I'm working on. Overall it has helped me become a much better person and a better husband, so for that I am thankful.

This weekend Jen and I are going to San Diego our best friends wedding. I'm sure the story has been told here, but one of Jen's best friends is marrying one of my best friends. We are both in the wedding and are very much looking forward to it. Plus both our parents will be there so it will be so nice to see everyone and have a little vacation for all thats going on in our lives.

Till next time.

Friday, May 27, 2011


It's the little things, am I right?  

We went grocery shopping on Sunday afternoon at our usual produce mart.  On the second display to the right, I spotted the most glorious thing:  cherries are back in season!  Last summer, I went admittedly a little crazy on cherries.  At one point, the farmer's market lady told me it was the end of season so I ran all over the market and bought a pound of four different varieties.  I pitted them all to freeze for the winter and ended up with brown fingers for a few days from all the cherry juice.  I'd never given them a second look until last summer and they are one of my favorite staples in the warmer months.  I throw them in homemade lime and lemonade.  This week we threw a bunch in with a fresh pineapple I cut up and have been working on them all week.  They make me happy.

Having the bags in the freezer also came in handy in February when I added them to some peaches and made a cherry/peach cobbler with my mom's famous recipe.  It was SO good.   

My personal favorite is sour cherries.  They look similar to the jarred maraschino cherries you might see in a Shirley Temple but they taste like Sour Patch Kids.  I also loved the Rainier cherries last year that are yellow and reddish in coloring.  We just ended up with a more standard variety this week (Bings, I believe) but they are delicious.  

This is one of the first signs of summer and it is more than welcome in my life!  We have had several days where it got into the 80s and even a record-setting temp of 90 a couple of weeks ago.  My bike tires are pumped and primed for the long weekend.  Happy summer and happy cherry season!  

Monday, May 23, 2011

it's been awhile

Hey there... I haven't stopped by here in quite some time.  We have been busy with out of town trips and out of town visitors and there have been many decisions made and things are moving right along in this little life of ours.

I started going to see a counselor two weeks ago and if you haven't ever tried it, I'd highly recommend it.  Most of the hour involves me sitting there and telling her everything, and since she doesn't know me, I often have to start at the beginning.  As I'm talking and telling someone who is unbiased all about my life and the things that make me sad and happy, I often come to realizations about myself on my own.  I realized that I used to do the very same thing by either driving over to her house or just calling my Grandmother.  There is something to be said about telling someone all of the thoughts that are rolling around in your head so you can actually process them instead of dwelling on them.  It has added another "thing" to do in my week, but I don't mind juggling other things to make it work.

Speaking of big "things" to do, I did sign up for and get accepted into a yoga teacher training program.  My classes officially start on June 8th, but I can start counting all of the yoga classes that I'm taking now as part of my required hours for the program.  I've been trying to go at least 4 times a week.  Adam goes to at least one class a week with me and sometimes he's been going on his own.  He's lost some weight and looks great.  I haven't lost a stinkin' pound but I can do regular push up in my TRX class without using knees or feeling like I might die so that is something!  I do get nervous about the class, feeling like maybe I won't be good enough but then when I'm in the studio and having a particularly good practice (which happens almost all the time these days), I remember that this is what I feel really comfortable doing.  Since I started telling people that I'm doing this program, I've already heard about some teaching opportunities.  I am excited to start classes and get that certification!

In therapy, one of the things I realized that we've been doing (A LOT!) and that makes me feel depressed is taking things we'd like to do and saying "oh we'll do that when we move to Texas".  Stuff such as getting a dog.  I've wanted to get a dog together since we first started dating (and I almost had Adam convinced then!) and we have been putting it off and saying we'd do it when we move.  We also have been saying that about getting a car, buying things, bringing our wedding presents that were given to us in Texas to Chicago, etc.  Obviously, we have to sell the condo first (more on that later) but we do plan to take the money we'll save by renting toward a dog and buying a car.  I feel like that will help us feel a lot more set up before we make our big move, whenever that may be and hopefully help decrease the sense of urgency we both feel all the time.  At this point, I am realistically expecting that we'll be here another winter.  We also made a commitment to each other that if we reach a certain point (quite some time in the future, not anytime soon) that we'll just move to Texas and get whatever jobs we can to stay afloat while Adam looks for something in his field.  I think that having the Chicago address hurts his chances sometimes because companies don't want to deal with our relocation and from all I have heard there are plenty of qualified candidates looking for jobs that already live in the state.

As far as the condo goes, I wish I had better news.  We are going to drop our price this week to what we think is a more "sellable" number.  It unfortunately involves Adam and I most likely bringing money to the table at closing.  However, we just want to be done with this condo and start paying the money back that we owe on it and move on with our lives.  I look at this place as a huge sore spot in my unhappiness here because, whether it is or not, I see it as what holds us back.  I will be happy to pay much smaller rent amounts in the future.  It's going to be awhile before I feel like I'm ready to get back into the real estate market.  I am hoping and praying that dropping our price is going to make a sale a more realistic possibility.  I'd love to put this chapter of our lives behind us and work on the debt we'll incur from living here.

That's pretty much all that is going on around here.  Our days go by so fast when you factor in that we have something going on almost every night after work, whether it's yoga or another work out, book club (me), Bulls games (Adam), therapy appointments, etc.  I can't believe I only have two and a half weeks until yoga school starts!

Tuesday, May 3, 2011


have been on a bit of a weight loss mission for the past few months, because let's face it, I was getting tired of seeing my fat rolls in the mirror in yoga class.  I also want to be in great shape and feeling good about myself and my body before I start teaching others and preaching about the benefits of yoga.  

I started this process in January after a hard month of stress eating and grief drinking in December.  It was not my finest hour, y'all.  Because I knew I was starting a weight loss competition at the first of the year (and I was watching the jackpot skyrocket), I may or may not have gone extra overboard over that time.  I think I might have put on an extra five pounds in the week between Christmas and New Year's alone.  It was gluttony at it's absolute finest.  I have a pretty loose attitude about food because I do work hard in the gym and yoga studio but at this point, I was doing neither of those things and holding myself back from nothing in the food or beverage department.  

January was a very restrictive food month for me.  I was calorie counting and working out hard since I wasn't working at the time.  Weight literally fell off because I completely altered my habits and got serious.  Going from overdoing it at every meal to mindfully eating and choosing healthy options at every opportunity made a huge difference.  OH- and I also didn't drink.  That was a huge boost in the calorie reduction department.

February started out exactly the same and I was feeling SO good.  I got a little bit derailed on our ski trip and started picking up the boozing again on occasion.  Toward the end of the month and into a good portion of March, we started the process of getting our condo ready to hit the market and a few other stressful things were going on so I kind of adopted a see how little I can eat every day diet plan.  It was anti-fun and absolutely terrible for me but I had no appetite.  I can remember getting through an entire day on little to nothing and having Adam force me to eat something for dinner.  Sometimes eating at dinner would make me sick.  It was bad.  Shockingly (or not-shockingly if you know a little bit about nutrition science), I ended up staying at pretty much the same weight that entire time and feeling rather sucky all-around.  I was still doing yoga off and on but most days, I'd finish work at noon and get home and pass out.  It was not a good time.  Somewhere in the middle of March, I started to hit a stride again with eating.  I stopped feeling sick and awful all the time.  I started practicing yoga basically every day. I lost a few more pounds here and there.  

April was nothing to be exceptionally proud of.  I spent at least one day each weekend being entirely too drunk.  My eating was fine but could use a great deal of work.  We ate at too many restaurants and I imbibed too many beers.  The best thing about not drinking at all in January was that in February, I could have just a couple of drinks and feel satisfied.  I want to get there again as opposed to these benders I've been on lately.  Luckily, because I have been working hard in the studio, my weight has stayed within the same three pound range.

Starting yesterday, May 1st, I wanted to recommit myself to this journey I am on.  The hardest part for me about said journey is that I have what I think is my "goal weight" in mind but I'm not sure if that is attainable in the first place or if it will push me to a place that I don't want to be at.  I know I still have some body fat that I could stand to lose, I'm just not totally sure about the best way to go about it.  I've been trying new workouts (TRX) and now the weather is nice enough to allow for some biking and running outdoors.  I know what I have in mind for my goal weight body, but I have no idea what the number on the scale would be to get there.  

At the very least, this means in the short-term:
more workout days than rest days
not being quite so indulgent and then lazy on the weekends
trying to shoot for only one meal out a week
choosing fruits and vegetables first

We'll see at the end of the month how I do!  

Monday, May 2, 2011

women vs. women (and other things)

I've always been lucky to get along with guys really well.  I spent a relatively good amount of time growing up with my brother and dad and they taught me quite a few things about sports.  I actually enjoy watching sports and learning all the tricks of the game (except football, I will never understand it because college and the NFL have way too many different rules that confuse me).  I've always had at least one close guy friend involved in my life.  Partially because I share the common sports interest but partially because there are a lot of women out there that are just downright mean and/or hard to be friends with.

I'll never understand why some women/girls are so catty and mean.  The movie Mean Girls was written by Tina Fey and has a great deal of truth toward real life in it.  No one has ever tried to fatten me up with nutrition bars, to my knowledge, but I have had my fair share of "mean girls" in my life.  Without getting too specific into the exact situation, I unfairly beat myself up when "mean girls" are around in my life.  I spend entirely too much time thinking about and being upset about the situation, when in reality, I'm not missing anything by not having people like that as my friends.  I will never understand why women do the things they do to tear down other women.  When someone else judges me for the things I'm doing in life, it's a reminder to me that I need to do what is going to make me happy and be the best thing for my marriage and life, no matter what someone else might think.  It's also a reminder that I should strive to be a little less judgy myself.

Having someone take a snarky attitude toward me when asking about my job last week really got to me, a great deal more than it should have.  I spent a good portion of time being really upset about that and a couple of other things.  My dad had a long talk with Adam yesterday about me and how I've been feeling lately about all of the things going on in our lives.  It was a huge wake up call to me that I need to take control of my own destiny again instead of complaining that I'm waiting on so many things are completely out of my control.  I can do things that will make me happy while I'm waiting.  My first step was to get on the internet and seriously research some yoga teacher training programs.  The great thing about the possibility of doing yoga school in Chicago is that I have several more options.  I found a program yesterday that starts in early June and is only 8 weeks!  If I like the school/studio/instructors, I want to try to do it.  Why wait until the fall?  Why should I sit here and complain about my life and "career" being on hold when I have all the power to change that?

It's hard to hear that your family is worried about you.  It stings a little bit to know that.  But I'm going to take this moment in time to change my way of thinking about all these things.  I have touched on it before, but I know that my grandmother would have told me awhile ago to snap out of it.  I need to honor her memory and do what I know she would have encouraged me to do.