Two Months

oops... posting this really late! 

Dear Owen,

I feel like your second month was so much more, well, everything, than your first.  If that trend holds true, we are going to have one fabulous time together.  You were more smiley, more active, more happy, more awake and best of all, you learned to sleep more during the night during this past month!  You most certainly started to eat more.  You had two doctor's appointments last month and we were amazed when they weighed and measured you at both.  You are growing like a weed and doing all-around fantastic.  It is not always easy for me to try to figure out how much to feed you I think we must be doing something right because you are mostly content and well-fed.

We had a check up with your pediatric urologist when you were six weeks old.  You have one kidney that got a clean bill of health (and I ALWAYS forget which one, maybe it's the right?) and the other we will go back and check at the end of the year but it was nothing that concerned Dr. Ewalt.  Last Friday, you went to see Dr. Watkins for your regular two month baby well-check.  You did awesome during your shots and fussed more while we were chatting with the doctor because you were hungry than you did about the actual needles.  I was really proud of you because you were so brave.  Yes, I think you were brave!  Maybe I am biased but I think babies can be smart and brave just like you are.

We took two trips to San Antonio this month.  You were a rock star for both of them.  You slept most of the car rides down and back.  The doggies ride in the back seat with you and all of you were very good boys for our trips.  You met so many of your family members on our trips:  lots of your great-Uncles and great-Aunts and several of your cousins and family friends.  As usual, you were happy to be passed around and as long as someone was feeding you on a regular basis, you were not sad to be away from you Dad and me for awhile.

You had two big firsts on June 16th.  It was your first Father's Day and your first time to take a dip in a pool.  We went to brunch to celebrate your Daddy at Taverna and then spent the afternoon at the pool with Uncle Dave, Sharon, Alli Rae and Sharon's family.  You loved being in the water!

The Blackhawks finished their awesome playoff run with a Stanley Cup this month!  We had lots of fun watching playoff games together.  It was special for us because you were born on the first day of the playoff run.  You looked awesome sporting your sweet Blackhawks onesie and luckily for you, Miss Charlotte and Miss Kristin gave you a bigger one that you can grow into when this one becomes too small.  Miss Heather also sent you a really funny t-shirt with the Stanley Cup on it.

When you were six weeks old, we started a new bedtime routine and moved you into your own room.  We do a bath at least every other night and read a story while you have your last bottle before going to sleep.  It made a world of difference and so far, you have had a stretch of sleep that lasted from 9:00-6:20 as your longest.  Most nights, you wake up between 4 and 5 but go back to sleep until 8:30 or so after a diaper change and bottle.  It's wonderful and makes for a very happy Mommy!  You aren't big on long naps during the day but we can't complain because you get such great sleep at night.  At your pediatrician appointment, Dr. Watkins said we should keep doing what we're doing since you are ahead of the game in terms of sleeping through the night.  He also gave us the ok to feed you whatever you "demand" as long as you aren't throwing up from eating too much (which you never really do).  You are a healthy young man!

You smile regularly now at us!  You still make TONS of grunting noises all the time and coo at us when you are really happy.  You are working REALLY hard to not be a wobble-head anymore.  Seeing you grow and show us more personality has been so fun for us.  We love you endlessly!

Love,
Mommy

Stats and Milestones:

Height and Weight:  24 inches (90th percentile) and 12 lbs. 9 oz (75th) on 7/28/13

Diaper Size:  been in size 2s for a couple of weeks already

Clothing Size:  mostly 3 months with a couple of 6 months that you can wear, your little 6 months t-shirts from the hospital that you sleep in are becoming too small! 

First shots at the pediatrician:  June 28th

First road trip (to San Antonio):  June 6th

First Father's Day:  June 16th

First time in the pool:  June 16th

First full night in your own room:  June 10th

You sleep in long stretches at night, usually the first one is 6-9 hours.  

You are eating some breast milk and 32-38 oz of formula a day.

You hold your head up really well and are working on sitting up.  You grabbed a big chunk of my hair the other day but I'm not sure that we can definite it as purposeful grasping just yet.  You're doing really well with tummy time! 

Nicknames:  Owen Bear, Mr. Bear, Beary-Boo, Mr. O

Things you love:  sleeping in your own room, swimming in the pool, bath time, being entertained and smiling back at Mommy and Daddy, your activity mat, your crib mobile, being outside, being held and eating

Things you don't love:  when you finish a bottle, when you are hungry and we're in the car and can't feed you at that exact second, when you're impatiently waiting for someone to make you a bottle, your crib

The Mighty Blackhawks

Seeing the Blackhawks win the Stanley Cup last night for the second time in my lifetime really put things into perspective for me/us.  When they won in 2010, only three short years ago, we were living in Chicago.  Adam and I were still a few months away from getting married.  We had watched most of the games at bars with our friends and there were many, many playoff beers consumed.  We watched the last game on the second floor of a bar overlooking Wrigley Field with a big group of friends and as the Hawks won, we were part of the group that poured out onto Clark Street.  We finished the night at our favorite tavern and stayed out waaaay too late.  I remember it being 4 am and still hearing people partying in the streets as we went to bed.  The next day hangover was totally worth it.

This year, we went to dinner with a friend from out of town and came home to watch the game.  We put Owen to bed during the second intermission and Adam had to contain himself as not to wake the baby when the clinching goals were scored.  We texted with our friends in Chicago who were holding the tradition for us.  We live in a different city, have been married for almost three years of many big life changes, the most important being that we have a baby now.  Owen was born on the day that the first playoff game was played so it's even more fun and special that the Hawks won the Cup.

The thought occurred to me this morning as I was getting Owen dressed that it was so appropriate that we had a boy since we are both big sports fans.  I've always thought it but every so often I'll get an extra reminder that this baby was 100% meant for us and we were meant to be his parents.  He's worth all of the lost sleep, tears, hard work and sacrifices.  

6 week kidney update

We saw Owen's pediatric urologist on Monday afternoon.  Little man did awesome during the visit.  They weighed and measured him and he was 11 lbs, 8 oz and 23 inches long.  For those keeping score, he's gained 3 lbs from his original birthweight and almost 4 lbs in 4 weeks since his low at his two week appointment (7 lbs 10 oz).  He dominates food almost all day long so none of this came as a surprise to me.  In fact, I often look at him and think that he has grown overnight!

The urologist is a funny little man, I suppose one must be to be a wiener doctor.  He made a couple of weird comments about Owen's circumcision.  Awkward!  HA!  Owen had an ultrasound and he was great, just kind of laid there in wonderment.  His right kidney got the all clear that it looks good.  The left kidney has just a little bit of extra fluid and they hope it will go away by his checkup in 6 months.  Most of this extra monitoring is just so that Adam and I will be more aware and diligent of any illness issues possibly relating to this.  Most pediatricians will assume ear infection but we'll always be on the lookout for UTIs with Owen.

Other than that, he's great!  We had some fussier moments in the last week but he hit a huge growth spurt, obviously.  This week, he's back to his happy self and we get to see smiles now and then.  He had his first big road trip(s) to San Antonio this weekend and even made two separate drives to Austin. Good thing Mr. Bear likes car rides!

I saw my OB and got the all clear to resume all my normal activities and I can't wait to jump back into my workout schedule.  I will probably be taking it easier until after Owen gets his 8 week shots and then I'll be more comfortable taking him to childcare at the gym.  It was hard to hold it together during all of my OB's questions about post-partum depression.  The hormones were not a fun thing for me to deal with and baby blues took me by surprised with how severe they were.  The only thing that makes me feel like I don't have PPD is that I am fully aware of my insanity but just unable to control my emotions.  Every day gets a little bit better and Adam had his first overnight work trip last night and I didn't feel like I was going to fall apart or lose my mind.  Things are pretty ok around here!

One Month

Dear Owen,

It blows my mind that only a month ago, in the middle of the night, you took your first breaths and were placed (ahem, thrown) on my chest.  Just like they tell you in childbirth class, you came out screaming but as soon as you landed on me, you calmed immediately.  It was the end of a really long journey for your dad and I, but also the beginning of the rest of our lives.  We were so happy and excited to meet you.  Now that we have you here, each day that passes is one where we get to know you better as your personality starts to develop.  You take after both of us in that some days you are calm just like your dad but on other days, you are my son to the core and assert your will and use your little voice.  Luckily, unlike me, you have shown no signs of being picky when it comes to eating.  You don't discriminate between nursing and being fed a bottle and I've tried several kinds of formula and you've taken all of them with no complaint.  You are a hilariously gassy little nugget but you don't ever seem to mind or fuss due to gas related issues.

It's been a roller coaster of a month for me, my post-partum emotions were everything I was warned about and more.  We struggled with feeding and your weight was like a yo-yo up and down in your first two weeks of your life.  After two weeks, we found our balance between my milk and your little protein shakes, as I like to think your formula is for you.  Now you're making up for lost time and growing like a little weed.  With each day, you are growing and developing at such a rapid pace!  It's as if you change a little bit overnight and we're moving forward at lightning speed!

Speaking of lightning, you've lived through some crazy severe weather so far in your short life.  We've already been under more tornado watches and warnings than I can count!  You usually sleep right through everything, even the tornado sirens going off outside.  The weather has been utterly insane during your first month of life.  On May 2nd, when we brought you home from the hospital, the high was in the 40s and we were setting records.  Now that it's May 30th, we're settling right into summer and it's too hot for you to be outside for very long.

You met most of your family this month!  Your Grandpa River, Mimzy and Gram were in the waiting room for the entire 19 hours I was in labor with you just waiting to meet you.  You got to meet Miss Kate, Miss Charlotte and Mr. Ryan in the hospital.  Rev. Barry from church also came to see you and pray over you. When we got home, Miss Randi and Miss Meredith came over to see you right away.  Lots of sweet ladies from the church came by for the next two weeks to bring us food.  Auntie Mac, Grandma Bean, Great-Grandpa, Gappi and Jerry came to see you during your first weekend.  We even had a big party for you in the backyard on your due date and you got to meet Mr. Zach and Caroline and the Edwards Family!  The next weekend your Uncle Mikey came to see you and spend Mother's Day with us.  That was the first time that you were ever without Mommy and Daddy when we got to get a special pedicure while your uncle and Mimzy watched you.  You've met almost all of Mommy's old co-workers and we go to see them almost once a week.  Gram came back to visit with the Great-Whoops and Grandpa Bernardi.  So many people have given you fabulous gifts and sent their well-wishes.  You are a very loved and cherished little boy.

You don't cry very much, you kind of whimper and you have a distinctive angry squawk.  The most angry that you've ever been was at your two week appointment when they did your metabolic screening for PKU and had to prick your foot to draw blood.  Otherwise, you have a pretty great temperament.  You do fuss a little during the evenings, but I think most babies just do that.  You are a VERY grunty baby, you usually have something that you must be trying to tell us by grunting.

So many other babies were born in May, just days after you!  So far you've met Cadence, Miss Charlotte and Mr. Ryan's daughter who was born on May 16th.  Mommy's first excursion alone without you or Daddy was to see her in the hospital and we went to see her at home when she was one week old.  Sadly, the two of you were either eating or sleeping for 99% of that first meeting.

We celebrated our first Mother's Day together!  Since we were still working out our feeding situation and you were less than two weeks old, we just went down the street to NorthPark for lunch at Maggiano's and had a pretty low key day.  It was so strange to me to be celebrating the holiday for the first time!

I was just saying to a friend today that if I could, I'd go back and relive my last week of pregnancy and the first week of your life.  So many of the details become more fuzzy to me as the days go by and I don't want to forget any of those moments.  Luckily between this blog and your baby books, I'll hopefully be able to tell you about this time when you're older.  You've changed me in ways that I'm not even fully sure I understand yet.  You make me want to be a better person and better Mom every morning when I wake up.  Even when I struggle to make you happy (tiny babies are tough little cookies sometimes) I'm still thankful for every moment we get to spend together.  You are the best thing that ever happened to us and we love you beyond your wildest dreams.

Love always,
your Mommy

Stats and Milestones:

Height and Weight:  21 3/4 inches at your 2 week appt, 9 lbs 8.5 oz- weighed you tonight
Diaper Size:  moved up to size 1 from newborns last week! 
Clothing Size:  mostly 3 months, I packed away almost all of your NB size yesterday

Checked out of the Hospital:  May 2nd
First time at the pediatrician:  May 3rd for a jaundice check
First time without Mommy or Daddy:  May 11th
First Mother's Day:  May 12th
First time at church:  May 26th
First smile:  May 23rd

You sleep in 3-4 hour stretches at night, down to just two wakeups in 11 hours from 10p-9a.
You are eating all of the milk I can make and about 18-22 oz of formula per day.
You have almost mastered holding your head up, you can do it for a couple of seconds at a time.

Nicknames:  Owen Bear, Mr. Bear, Monkey, Mr. Baby, Mr. Tiny Man, Baby O, Mr. O
Things you love:  your Soothie paci and Wubba Nub, nursing when you are especially cranky, your doggie brothers, pictures on the wall, riding in the car, your Rock N Play sleeper, Tommee Tippee bottles, being massively gassy, blowing out diapers because you only like to go once every two days or so, watching Blackhawks playoff games with Daddy
Things you don't love:  when you drop or knock your paci out of your mouth, when the doggies jump on you (oops), your mittens, when you accidentally give your mouth a fishhook, being hungry

2013 To Do List (revisited)

I made a 2013 To Do List in lieu of making resolutions.  I figured now is as good a time as any to see how I'm doing:  

1.  Read 20 "for me" books.  Which basically means books not on parenting and/or getting your baby to sleep.  Which seems like such a wimpy goal but I didn't read any in 2012.  Also in conjunction with this, putting my phone down more, writing more and taking more pictures.  

Woefully awful in this department.  I started Gone Girl (didn't really like it, might not finish) and read Divergent.  That's about it... I haven't even completed any baby books.  Ooops.
2. Run a 5K in under 27:00.  This will be a late fall goal for me but I think it'll give me something inspiring to train for over the summer after Owen comes. 

Starting back to running ASAP!  Can't wait to tackle this one. 

3. Get back to the weight I was when I took my positive pregnancy test.  Ironically, this was the lowest weight I've seen since high school.  Not ironically, I think it had something to do with basically giving up alcohol.  Dammit. 

This officially starts tomorrow.  I gave myself 4 weeks of continued gluttony (with the addition of champagne and wheat beer) and now it's time to get back to clean eating.  I can use the extra energy.  

4. Paint Owen's room and get his nursery ready!  Started with a paint sample today so moving right along with this project.

DONE!  Woot!  His room came out better than I hoped.  I just need to get his cool birth stats page framed for the wall.  

5. Run a half marathon in under 2:10.  My previous best is 2:05 but I think I want to tackle the under 2 hours mark in 2014.  I'm trying to be realistic about life and my body post-baby.

This one is going to be a tough one because my target half marathon is the weekend of my brother's wedding so we'll be out of town.  We're planning to run one in San Antonio in November but Rock N Roll half marathons are notoriously crowded and may not be the place for me to run my fastest...

6. Do my own 30 day yoga challenge.  I'm not even 100% sure that I went 30 days straight when I was in teacher training!  I did more than 1 class a day on several occasions so I know that I can physically do it but I want the mental challenge of getting myself to class every day for 30 days in a row. 

WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?! I have a baby now and most yoga does not provide childcare!  This one might have to be amended to be a fitness challenge for now.  I wasn't deeply in love with Pilates when I wrote this list.  

7. Go to the Blathering in October.  It's high time and I'll be able to really enjoy it this year.  And it is a "kill two birds with one stone" situation as I've always wanted to visit Charleston and South Carolina is one of only 4 states I have left to go to.

Registered.
Have hotel reservations and roommates.
Bought plane ticket.

8. Get spin certified.  Hopefully can knock this one out in late summer.  This one makes up for the fact that Owen is due during the week of our MS 150 ride this year. 

Add "Get Pilates certified" to this.  Still planning to make both happen.

9. Find a play group, for Owen but also for me. 

It may not be a play group, it might be a Mother's Day Out or daycare situation depending on me going back to work.  

10. Find a church and baptize the little man.  This one will be a mom-assisted goal, for sure.  But I grew up with strong church bonds and friends and I want that for Owen.

Done!  Joined the church at 38 weeks pregnant.  Owen's baptism is scheduled for a significant family date in September.  Love the church. 

11. Go and see at least 6 movies in the theater.  Again, probably an easy goal for you but a REALLY tough one for me! 

Saw two:  Argo and Promised Land... will I get the other four? (doubtful)

12. Stay on budget now that we'll be a one income + part-time yoga teacher family.  Time to get serious about not getting everything I want.

I suck at this.  

13. Work on my garden and plant a lime and/or lemon tree. 

Work in progress!  Definitely rocking the garden.  Sadly, the citrus tree was not recommended by the horticulturist at the Farmer's Market due to our region's temperatures.  BOO.

Adding:

14.  Be more present.  Turn off my phone.  It's part of my goal from item #1 and I haven't been doing it.  

15.  Go on one date night a week with Adam.  Make it work and continue to make our marriage a priority.  Happy parents = happy baby.

16. Get Owen to sleep through the night and work out a daily routine that is good for both of us.  

5 months down, biggest goal accomplished (I birthed a baby!), 7 months to go

Recovery

Well, it only took me three weeks or so to finally regain a semblance of control over my emotions!  Ironically, it occurred around the same time that my body started regulating and adjusting to breastfeeding.  The only thing that wasn't good was that I think with the loss of some of the out of control hormone levels, I started to actually feel some of the pain of recovery.  I feel like Week 3 hurt worse than Week 2!  I think that post-partum recovery is often one step forward and two steps back.

Owen is growing like a weed!  He'll be one month old on Thursday and I'm excited to do a post for that.  I had started his baby journal book while we were still at the hospital but this week I finally got all of the pictures printed and did his big scrapbook too.  It was a lot more fun looking back at my pregnancy than I thought it would be.

Mentally, I feel so much more like myself now.  Physically, I feel like I gained 10 lbs in the past week and I've refused to get on the scale for almost two weeks now.  Tomorrow after the holiday, I'm putting both Adam and I on a "diet", which basically means for me, I'll be tracking my eating and for Adam he'll lose a ton of weight just because I'll be cleaning up my diet and making more healthful meals.  I gave myself the month of May to really enjoy myself when it came to eating and drinking but it's time to get serious.  I'm planning to start running again this week (bending the recovery rules just a bit) and I'll be hopefully cleared to go back to my normal routines when I see the doctor in two weeks.  I want to feel good again and healthy.  It's also an example I want to set for Owen.  I've said that I'd do another marathon but I want to do it when Owen is old enough to remember.  I want to always set the example of a healthy lifestyle for him (with balance of course) and I always want him to see me as a strong person who can do anything that I put my mind to.

I'm toying with the idea of possibly going back to work in October.  I don't know any of the details yet but it's been quasi-overwhelming to look at potential child care and Mother's Day Out options.  I know I'll be back to teaching after he gets his two month shots in July so he'll be exposed to some child care during my classes and I believe firmly that it'll be good for both of us to have the time apart.  For me, to be back to teaching and for Owen to learn to be comfortable with other caregivers and other kids.  We'll see what opens up for me as far as my job situation.  It will be an interesting road to travel and one that I didn't think I'd go down so soon.  I have to admit that when we were leaving the hospital, I had a bunch of anxiety about my new identity as just "Owen's Mom".  I have nothing against being a stay at home mom but I did enjoy my work and I like the financial freedom that working outside the home brings me.  As with so many things that have come up for me and us since the turning point that was the positive pregnancy test, I've made decisions that I never thought I'd be making.  Never say never, I suppose, is the best motto for this parenting gig.

We had a mini milestone yesterday when we went back to church for the first time since Owen was born.  He was awake for the whole service but whenever he got a little grunty, Adam just gave him his pacifier and it did really well!  We don't have any more visitors scheduled so we're just going to settle into our little life here.  Overall, I'd say we're all doing better than I expected :)

Surreal

Even though I JUST KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN, it doesn't take away from the fact that it still blows my mind.  I'm talking about the fact that as each day passes, I forget most of the mundane details of my pregnancy, labor, delivery and the immediate aftermath.  My friend had a baby on Thursday and as I was driving to the hospital to see her (thankfully, not the same hospital Owen was born at because I  probably would have had a mini breakdown) I had the most odd feeling.  I realized that I don't remember a lot about our hospital stay.  Looking back, the four days just seem like a big blur.

This is how you get sucked in to having more than one child.

While I still bear the soreness in the right side of my ribcage and back, I don't feel the intensity of the pain of pregnancy.  It's been so long (almost 3 weeks now!) since I've been sick that the memories are fading of how icky those nine months were.  I've thought so many times lately that I could probably do it again if I had to.  Do I want to do it again?

I told Adam that if he wanted to have another baby, that now was the time to "speak now or forever hold your peace" and that if we were going to go for it, I'd want to start trying soon and have "Irish twins".  When I told him this, he understandably freaked out.  Was I asking to have another baby?  Not really, but I did say that I'd do it again if it was something he really wanted.  And I do love him that much that if having a second child was something he couldn't live without, I'd be willing to do my part to make that happen.  The ensuing conversation was hilarious and we tabled the discussion for now that we're pretty sure that we're done here post-Owen.

I tried to process all of that a little more in my head and ultimately settled on this, this life we have now, is enough for me.  It's not the idea of being pregnant again or having another baby that I'm in love with, I'm grieving the loss of the experience, the anticipation.  Fridays are hard because we spent so many Friday afternoons at the doctor's offices, Adam and I together.  It was a great way to start our weekends together and at the very least we always got to hear his heartbeat and get the good news that Owen was growing well on the inside.  I miss that.  Not pregnancy itself but the excitement that surrounded it.  All of the hope, the nervous feelings, the intense love we felt for someone we hadn't even met yet.

No matter what happens, there will never be another first pregnancy or another first baby.  The experience of having a second child would be markably different.  It would be Owen coming with me to appointments, not Adam.  I would never be having that exciting/scary very first ultrasound again or the big moment of the anatomy scan of my firstborn.  Not to say it wouldn't be awesome in it's own way but what I am feeling is the desire to have some of that time back, the moments we shared together waiting for Owen to arrive.

If we ever do change our minds or if we're blessed with an unexpected second addition, I feel fully confident that there would be plenty of room in my heart to welcome another baby, another child.  Even though my heart feels a tug of sadness when I think about never being pregnant again and never having the experience, right now, all of this is enough.  Owen and Adam (and the two mangy mutts) are enough for me and my heart feels full.