Tuesday, March 22, 2011

needing to get my mojo back

All I can think about is our impending trip to Texas.  Of course all the flights we're trying to get on are full and/or oversold so I'm bracing myself for a hellacious pass travel experience.  I pray the airport gods (and the God) have mercy on us and let us get home in a timely manner because O'Hare has a funny way of making me crazy at times.

This trip cannot come at a better time.  I need my batteries recharged in every way.  My new sleep schedule sucks and is not a good way to treat my body.  I don't know what I was thinking except for that I thought I am a stronger person than I actually am.  I don't do mornings well so why would I think I'd succeed at doing middle of the nights?  I am looking forward to crawling into bed with a couple of Tylenol PMs on Thursday night and hopefully waking up late enough on Friday to set me on a more humane sleeping pattern for the weekend.  My eating habits have been crap as of late, days when I have been eating, it's been garbage food and too much of it.  It's truly a miracle that I haven't been sick on and off all month.

My friends are coming from all over for a bridal shower on Saturday.  I can't wait to be surrounded by the good vibes and catch up on the (hopefully good things) going on in everyone's lives.  My dad has a new lady friend we get to meet this weekend and from all we've heard, she sounds really nice and I am *gasp* hoping to really like her.  Mom- I need to go shopping, can we make that happen on Friday afternoon?  I get to see most of my family at a crazy huge BBQ on Saturday night.

We haven't even left yet and I'm already dreading the plane ride home.  Doesn't my attitude suck?  I won't lie, I really don't want to come back.  In my heart of hearts, I was hoping we'd be further along on our road home by now so I'm feeling a little bit of the crush of the weight of all that still has to happen.  I am going to have to work my hardest to savor every moment that I can and not worry about Sunday night/Monday morning and being back in Chicago.

Today was another very melancholy day.  The weather is BONE CHILLING and going to get colder over the week and there is that wet, rainy chill in the air.  I had a mini-breakdown when I realized that I have a question that my Grandmother would probably be the best person to call to ask.  I know she would know the answer without even skipping a beat.  It's moments like that when I feel a flood of pain and grief that I really hope will lessen over time.

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