Monday, July 18, 2011

changing my point of focus

changing my point of focus

When I started yoga teacher training, or "yoga school" as Adam and I affectionately call it, I had an attitude that now disappoints me a little.  I guess to be fair to myself, there were quite a few of my classmates that already knew each other or were really close with some of our instructors.  I don't know if it was internal jealousy of that or my natural tendency to want to fit in immediately too, but I was really skeptical of quite a few of them.  Everyone comes from different and unique backgrounds and surprisingly, as we've continued on, there has been very little competition.  I think most of us realize that there are TONS of teaching jobs available and we all have different plans and places we plan to take this certification.

I was reading one of my classmate's blogs and her initial reaction was so different than mine.  She had nothing but good things to say about everyone!  I was whining in a prior post about how everyone was still in college, had all this free time that I don't have, and that they are all young and I didn't think I'd end up making any friends at all.  

It's all about my gaze on a situation, my point of focus.  I took the narrow view, the negative one, instead of looking at this as an opportunity to never feel alone in my practice.  We read in our first book of the program about spiritual partners.  I'm lucky that Adam comes with me to yoga quite a bit and we do feel a connection to each other before and after class.  I forgot that this intense program would give me 20 other spiritual partners and kindred spirits.  I didn't think about the support and love we'd get from all of our instructors.  I wasn't able to see that I'd always have a familiar face to look to in the studio and a room full of people to motivate and inspire me when I didn't feel like dragging myself to the 8th class of the week.  I had no idea I'd find people that would pray for me when I was feeling all those feelings about the dog.  I didn't allow myself to look at the blessings and only saw people that already knew each other and seemingly didn't like me.  

What a valuable learning experience it's been!  In a way, it's been a microcosm of my entire Chicago experience.  I came here living one of what I lovingly refer to as one of my "past lives" and I have only a couple of relics of what that meant for me left in my current life.  It's been 99% great changes but none of them easy.  I have walked into rooms of people that all knew Adam and each other and didn't know me.  Sometimes it was an easy fit, other times not so much.  I do want to take what I've been able to learn about myself through this and carry a more positive point of focus into my next life.  I used to think that there is a limit on your life of how many good friends you'll be blessed with and that I must have reached mine.  Luckily, God has proven me wrong.  There are no limits except the ones I choose to place on myself.  

Either way, I have no idea how things will end when we're done with our initial training program.  I know quite a few people will continue on for another 4 weeks, I would love to take that journey with them if we end up staying in Chicago slightly longer than we originally thought we would (see: condo issues).  If not, Adam and I can take the free community classes that they'll be teaching.  I'd love to be in the room to support them all.  If I'm not able to continue the journey, I do hope that at least through Facebook I can hear about how they are all doing, what they end up teaching and be a supportive force.  I know I'll need the same in return.  At the very least, they've taught me that there is always room in life for more friends and that first impressions don't always mean everything.  

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